Regret or Forget {Book 2}

(2) The Only Reason

(Edited)

Stomping out the club in frustration, I headed in the direction of my father’s house even though that wasn’t my destination. Pulling out my phone, I glared angrily at the digits blinking at me from the lock screen. Technically there was another two hours before the program started and usually that time was spent with Evan and the others.

However it didn’t seem that things were going to go as planned. Where else was there for me to go? I honestly didn’t want to go back to my father’s place and sit around with nothing to do. Sighing, I watched as the bus stop came into view. I was going to have Evan drive me to my therapy session but that obviously wasn’t going to be happening any time soon so the only other option is the bus, which wouldn’t be there for another thirty minutes.

Great, just fucking great. I sat down on the wooden seat, shaded from the sun, and stared at my shoes. Every few minutes I couldn’t help but to look over at the direction I had just come from and feel the anticipation of seeing Evan walking towards me. Why would he though? He doesn’t like me. All he was doing was going out with me out of pity and sympathy. Who would reject a broken and lonely girl? Of course, that’s probably why he kissed me back then.

How else was he going to get out of that place? He couldn’t leave me behind and be known for that, so to get me going all he had to do was kiss me. All this time, I had thought our feelings were mutual but ever since I had woken up, Evan has been more distant than he was before. We barely communicated or went out unless it was with Ryan and Dexter. He was ashamed of me; it was clear as day now. I had the worst personality in history, who would like me? I’m rude, disrespectful, I burp too loudly, I can be cold hearted, and most importantly I swear too much. Let’s include the past problems, how suicidal I was at that place, just how broken I am on the inside.

A burning sensation erupted in my chest and I couldn’t find a way to eradicate it. Gripping my sweater in a ball towards my chest, I bent over and closed my eyes tightly against the tears that were welling up. I don’t know how long I was sitting there or how long those thoughts were running through my head no matter how much I tried to distract myself, but soon I heard a voice talking to my side.

“Are you okay?”

Jumping in surprise, I straightened to find someone sitting next to me. How long had he been there? And just when did he sit there? Why hadn’t I noticed? Right, silly me, I was drowning in a pit of depression. Again. Though this time it was all Evan’s fault. Stupid, stupid, Evan. God, why did it have to hurt so much?

I opened my mouth to tell him yes but my mouth wouldn’t process it right and I ended up with my mouth slightly open looking at the boy in front of me. That burning in my chest increased and it hurt so much. My face scrunched up and the tears came falling out until I was bawling like a newborn baby.

The boy’s bright blue eyes widened in shock as he watched me shake my head, gasping for breath between my tears. Evan, why? Why did you have to play with my heart? Why, god, do you keep putting me through this over and over again? Can’t you see that I can’t handle it?

“I’m… sure everything is going to be okay.” The boy stuttered as he struggled to find words to comfort me when he looked around with big nervous eyes as if someone would come rescue him. When he saw no one, his eyes went back to me with an apology written all on his face.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t… mean to make you… uh… cry.”

His words only made the tears come faster and I buried my face in my clutched sweater with despair. Lord, why me? Why me? Why did I have to fall in love with Evan? Why put me through this? I thought me and him were going to be happy after making it away from Carl. I thought things were going to be better. But somehow, it feels worse than what it was before. Is this how love feels? How it’s supposed to feel? I hate it, I hate this feeling.