White Noise ~Shadowhunters~COMPLETED

•Chapter 33•

Broken is what people would use to describe me right now- more specifically heartbroken. Alexander Lightwood had done something that no one in this god forsaken institute had ever done. He had broken down the walls I had so carefully built, and proceeded to destroy what those walls had protected for years. And yet, here I am, getting ready to attend his fucking wedding with the girl he chose over me. Which by the way, is practically my sister.
So as I did my hair, and slipped into the dress that Lydia had picked just for me, I couldn't help but let a stray tear fall.
But I couldn't sit and wallow through my pain, as no matter how hard this is going to be, I still had to go. If not to support my unbiological sister, than at least to have some sort of closure.
When Izzy came knocking on my door, I wiped the stray away, and plastered the best fake smile anyone's ever seen onto my face. She smiled back, clearly giddy about the wedding, and we linked arms before strolling towards the chapel. The chapel in which Alec and Lydia would soon be getting married in.
"Hey," Izzy said, in an almost whisper, "you'll find the right guy soon. If Alec couldn't see how amazing you are, then that's his loss. But someday, you're going to meet a guy who's almost as amazing as you, and you're gonna realize that Alec wasn't the one. He was simply just one,"
I smiled softly, wrapping my arms around her and blinking away the tears that had gathered in my eyes.
"Thank you, Iz," I whispered so softly that I worried she didn't hear, but the softest twinge I felt indicated that she had heard. A twinge that had came from our ever growing parabati bond.
We let go, shared a look, and proceeded on. Standing outside the chapel was Lydia, looking like the angel she was. We stood in silence as Izzy entered, leaving just the two of us.
"Say the words and I'll call it off, C." Lydia said, holding my hand in hers and looking me in the eyes. I tugged on my bottom lip, giving a weak smile.
"It's okay, Lyds. He made his choice, now it's time for me to make mine. And part of that choice is to let go, Alec didn't chose me and I have to respect that," I said, giving her hand a gently squeeze. She nodded, wiping away her few tears, and smiled.
"Promise me that we'll still be sisters after this,"
"Sisters by choice, remember? We will always be sisters, I promise you that,"
And so we locked hands, and made our way to the doors. We must have been quite a sight to those in the chapel, the woman in gold and the woman in black. One, ready to start anew and the other, ready to mourn a loss. As the doors opened I kept my eyes steady, never once looking at the man at the alter. For he was not waiting for me, but my sister.
As we reached the end, we hugged and I left only a whisper in my presence,
"Treat him right, sis,"
Lydia nodded, and we parted ways. Lydia going to her soon to be husband, and me going to my parabati.
I stood in a daze as the ceremony started, not snapping out until the pair were ready to say their vows. I could feel my heart break even more than it had already been, and it was not until it felt as though someone had shoved a blade into my chest and kept twisting and twisting, that I had finally reached my limit. And so with a shaky breath, I started down the steps, continuing down the isle with no intentions of stopping, until a breathless stop echoed through the chapel. And so I stopped, my back still turned and my lips pursed in attempts to hide just how bad they were quivering- in attempt to hide just how close I was to crying.
I could feel him approaching, fighting every instinct in me that told me to run. He carefully walked in front of me, reaching out to lift my chin as though I was made of fragile glass and with one wrong move I'd suddenly shatter. In a way this was true, but I had already been broken so much that I'm not sure I could break any more.
I let out a shaky breath that I had not known I was holding as his gaze met mine.
"What do you want now?" I asked brokenly, well aware at the eyes that stared at us.
"I-" Alec started, only to cut himself off as he suddenly pulled me closer and kissed me. I responded on instinct, before pulling back in shock, only to be pulled right back. We parted seconds later, confusion clear on my face. I parted my lips to speak, but was shushed.
"I can't marry someone I'm not in love with," he whispered as if his words were for only me to hear. I chuckled humorlessly, disbelief clear.
"I thought you were marrying to please your parents, pretty sure love has nothing to do with that," I said dryly, still bitter from how he had broken me mere hours ago only to pull this shit.
There was no denying that I'm in love with him, sure, but that doesn't overrule the pain he had put me through for the past weeks. He looked down, licking his lips nervously.
"I was going to tell you that I wasn't going to go through with it," he said, red creeping onto his cheeks as his eyes darted past the crowd that was listening intently. I looked back, wincing inwardly as I caught the both horrified and angry face of Alec's mother.
He pulled me back to him, talking quieter.
"I'm so, so incredibly sorry Claire. I thought you hated me, I couldn't just go up to you and tell you I wasn't going to marry her when you had just told me I broke you," I licked my dry lips, trying to figure out something, anything, to say.
"I don't care if you hate me for the rest of your life, I just-I need you to know that I love you and I will always love you, even if you don't love me too," he said, his voice cracking at the end.
"I don't hate you, you asshole," I muttered, "I'm just pissed off that you waited this long," Alec let out a sigh, chuckling.