Changing •Jaegan•

•three•

Justin's pov.

Perfect.

That was the only word that popped up when I saw Raegan. Perfect, because that's what he was. From his toes, to the last strand of his hair, Raegan Alexander Beast, was perfect.

His smile. Perfect. His laugh, his giggle, perfect. His hair? Perfect. He in general, was the definition, of perfection. A master piece, sculpted by perfection. He was perfect.

"Hi, Raegan." I greeted. God, I wasn't perfect. I had so many flaws, one of them, being incredibly, weird and awkward...

"Hey, Jay." He moved in for a hug, and just being held in his arms, felt perfect. I felt safe. I felt, home. Raegan was safe. Raegan was home. Raegan was perfect.

And I wanted nothing more, then to be with him again. My feelings, haven't subsided, still there, in fact, I think they've grown, if that's possible. Raegan is, my everything. We aren't dating, but that can change. After all? We're not done changing.

I mean, I'm getting top surgery. Raegan will start testosterone, he'll get top surgery. Maybe we'll both get bottom surgery? Maybe a lot of things will change. Maybe one day, we'll be together again. Maybe one day, we'll have a place to call home, together. Maybe one day, we can have a family and call it ours. Maybe one day, we'll get married. Maybe one day. Just maybe.

I was snapped from thoughts, by Raegan pulling away from the hug. Without him, I was nothing. Without him, I felt cold, and alone. Without him, I was like, half of a whole. He was my other half. Without him, I had no hand to hold because he would always be the one, to hold my hand. Without him, I was torn, like a sail in a storm. A storm of emotions, sad, confusion, helplessness, alone, unsafe, broken.

But with him, I felt, complete. I felt, safe. I felt alive, and happy. I felt wanted, needed, and cared for. With him, he gave me everything, he gave me life, happiness, hope,
a reason.

My depression, had subsided a little, it wasn't as intense as before. But there were some days, where I didn't want to feel anything, but I felt everything. Some days, I cried, and I didn't know why. Mood drops, were really common. Some days, my depression came back so hard, I had no motivation... I didn't want to do anything, I didn't feel the need, to do anything... I didn't want to shower, or eat, or sleep. I just wanted to lie, there, in my bed, numb. Like I didn't exist. I didn't want to exist.

When I felt like this, I'd go to Raegan, we'd skype, text, do anything. Because he made me happy.

"Hello! Earth to Justin!" Kale said, waving his hand in front of my face, gaining my attention. And I snapped back in reality.

"Great, he's back! We thought we lost you." Kale sighed in relief, obviously joking.

"Oh..." I trailed off, unknowingly I drifted off into my thoughts. I do that a lot... It was another one of my flaws, my imperfections. Me, not being perfect, like everyone thought. I sighed and paid attention to what we were doing.

Which was picking out a movie, I didn't really take a vote, because I knew we'd just end up watching something scary... Which was mostly because of Kale, Jack and Raegan, because they all love horror films. Me and Danny, not so much.

Finally after debating, whether we should watch, Fast and Furious 7, Frozen, The Conjuring, or The Little Mermaid, The Conjuring won...

So Kale put in the disc, and sat back down on the couch, since I guess we moved down stairs? At some point? So we sat back, I sat on the end beside Danny, and Jack and Kale, next to him. Then Raegan came and plopped down next to me.

I didn't want him to sit, because I was going to end up cuddle with someone...

And I knew it was going to be Raegan, because Danny was already cuddling with Jack and Kale...

I sighed and got prepared to not be able to sleep for a while...

(A/n: Me actually describing Raegan there... He's perfection... Like I'm not kidding... Perfection!!!!! And Justin is too like, of course, can't leave out my little smol bean! And I don't know? I decided to make Jack, Danny and Kale, best friends, because? Why not? Okay bye!)