𝑼𝒏𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒏 ✔️

Epilogue I

A.N I really just want to finish the story so expect the last epilogue tomorrow. By the way the argument between Harry and Monroe happened the beginning of September

-Harry's Entry

September 30th 2017

I never knew how much I needed you until all my pieces began to chip, piece by piece. I never knew it would be a slow antagonizing pain that burned, burned me so bad that there would soon be nothing left of me but it's like you wanted me to suffer by existing, to be in the darkness.

It's too bad I was in darkness all along. I got sucked into it a long time ago without even realizing it. I never knew that our time would be so short. I didn't know I had a forever- nor did I know I could have one.

I was breaking you but you were breaking me without even realizing it. I didn't know it either- I didn't know you had such a big impact on my heart and mind. I didn't know you'd destroy me like I did you.

Except I did it intentionally as you had no idea what you were doing. Just your smile made a chip of me break.

Did you like to hurt me? You probably didn't but you did nonetheless and I tried to save myself from sinking but it was too late.

I knew it was too late when I bumped into you with us both reading the book of the two broken lovers. I knew it was too late when I stared at your piercing blue eyes.

You said you were scared of me, funny because I could feel myself shake at the thought of you.

Everyone saw it but you.

I broke you and I realized I broke you when you left me with a bunch of unanswered questions and a box filled with empty promises and lost hope.

I didn't mean to break you but those are just useless words, it's like apologizing, they were just words. Nothing could make up for what I've done.

I love you, don't doubt for a second that I don't, even though I told you otherwise. I was a coward for not saying those words to you, I still am for writing it in my journal and not saying them out loud.

But I'm too broken, and I'm devoured in darkness and it was useless to help me because you'll only be cut by one of my shattered pieces.

I told you I would never leave you... did you purposely write down all the promises I couldn't fulfil and put it in a box?

I wish that I could love you the way you deserved to be loved. I also wish that I could breathe a newfound strength into you so you would realize I was just a worthless man unworthy of you.... of your love.

Everything that happened so badly in your life these past eight months were because of me and I couldn't keep you in that burden.

I think I'm rain... I remember months ago you were talking about the rain and the snow... it was one of the first times you opened up to me.

I'm rain because I dampened your world as if it wasn't already soaked enough. And the peaks of sunlight that managed to show in the clouds I managed to cast storms over them.

It's not that I didn't want you to be happy or to succeed. I just didn't want you to be happy and succeed without me. I'm selfish.

But did I forget to mention that theirs always a rainbow at the end of a storm? I guess I was light in a way but I think the bad always over shined the good that's why you couldn't see the rainbow.

My blood drips like poison from a venomous flower. I tried to fight for you but instead I fought you and made you bleed.

You were never the poison and I was never the rose- if anything the roles were reversed. You were such a beautiful creature whom I admired so much. You just liked to protect yourself from anything that came at you. I, on the other hand was a complete and utter destruction.

It seemed like it was so easy to break you but really It felt like my lungs were deflating and my heart was slowly beating. I wanted it to stop but it didn't, it would just slowly beat.

I not only destroyed you but let my own pieces slash my flesh as well.

You deserved better. Better than I could have ever given you. I had to lie to you... I had no choice. I had no choice right?

My mind just felt messy. Sometimes it made sense and then it didn't and then one voice was telling me to do one thing and the other was telling me to do another and I sometimes wanted to just end it completely.

Until I met you.

You seemed to silence my demons but now that you're gone they've come back.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I told you I didn't love you. I'm sorry I said that I used you as a distraction.. a quick fling, when really it was making love; the only person i would and could ever make love to. I'm sorry I'm fucked up. I'm sorry my demons told me I'm not worthy of you. Im sorry I fucked up your life. I'm sorry I went to my uncles to find out that you got fired. I'm sorry that I made love to you the night before everything started to fall. I'm sorry I told you empty hopes and promises. I'm sorry that I thought about marrying you when I couldn't even utter the words I love you. I'm sorry I took the thing that made you pure when it was saved for someone that could really love you. Im sorry I was the reason you were fired. I'm sorry you uttered the words to me and I pushed you away. I'm sorry I'm fucked up. I'm sorry I got a tattoo for you, when not even a inch of my skin deserves to be inked for you. I'm sorry I gave you my necklace. I'm sorry you told me your stories and I told you mine. I'm sorry I gave you false hope. I'm sorry I loved you first. I'm sorry I was cold and uncaring. Im sorry you were mine but I wasn't yours. I'm sorry I kissed you with my filthy lips that do not deserve to be on your pure skin. I'm sorry I barged into your life. I'm sorry I yelled at you. I'm sorry I snapped at you and said shit I didn't mean. I'm sorry I saved you from your thoughts. I'm sorry I took you on our first 'date'. I'm sorry I invited you to a party to retrieve your book. I'm sorry I talked to you. I'm sorry I took the wrong book on purpose just to get to talk to you again. I'm sorry I bumped into you. I'm sorry we had the same book.

I'm sorry.
But sorry is nothing but a word and I wrote it so many times that it I'm doesn't even look like a word anymore.

I want you to forgive me even though I don't deserve it. I'm selfish.

But unfortunately love isn't enough.

To my love. My love that had been there for me even when I tried to push her away.

From the guy that needs his heart to beat again, from the guy that needs his demons to be silenced. From the guy that needs hope again.

A.N almost done!