The Stage Door (Camren/Norminah)

The Box

Lauren returned a short while later, a coffee for herself and a hot chocolate for Camila in hand from the cafe on campus, next to the library. 

"Dinah was working," Lauren said with a smile. "She gave me this hot chocolate with extra whip cream and banana sauce for you, she said it's your new favourite."

Camila let out a loud laugh, nodding her head as she took the to go cup from Lauren and took a sip before setting it on the bedside table and watching the way Lauren took the spot she had been sitting before, across from Camila with the box between them.

"Come here," Camila said moving the box to the side. Lauren smiled and crawled forwards, setting herself between Camila's legs with back pressed against Camila's chest. Tipping the lid off the box that now sat beside her, Camila took a breath, "I'm gonna read this to you okay."

Lauren nodded her head and placed her coffee next to Camila's on the bed side table and turned her body so her legs were over Camila's right leg and her side was against Camila's chest. As Camila started to read, Lauren buried her face into Camila's neck and tried to take deep breaths to calm herself.

For our daughter,

You were never forgotten and you weren't put up for adoption because you were unwanted. You were wanted, you were loved, and you were remembered.

This box contains the few memories we have of our time with you and we hope you find some comfort in knowing we kept these things after all these years, some closure of the fears surrounding our separation.

The first item in the box,

Camila took a photo from the box, pausing for a second before handing it to Lauren face down.

This was the first ultrasound we ever got of you. Clara was thirteen weeks pregnant at this time. We were both terrified. We heard your heartbeat for the first time that day and though you were no bigger than the size of pod of peas, your heartbeat was strong and it was the most incredible sound either of us had ever heard. We referred to you as Baby Love, because we didn't know what we were going to name you.

Lauren's hands were shaking as Camila read and she was doing her best not to shed the tears that were forming on her waterline as she turned the photo over. It was black and white and faded from the years and Lauren stroked her hand across the image.

We went home that night and sat in the driveway of Clara's parent's house and cried, because we knew at the age of 15, neither of us could give you the life you deserved.

We sat in Mike's truck until the sun came up, crying and holding this photo.

The next item in the box is the book in which we found your name,

Lauren set the photo down on the bed and took the next item that Camila was handing her, a yellowing, aged baby name book with markers stuck in different pages.

We still hadn't told our parents about you, we knew what they were going to say and neither of us were prepared to have that conversation yet. We wanted to live in our bubble, with our dream of you for just a little longer. The morning sickness started and Clara managed to convince her Mom and Dad that we had gone for dinner the night before and that she had eaten some bad food, they let her stay home from school and as soon as they left for work, I showed up with snacks, movies, and this book.