The Art of Romance

Staying in Love

I feel like this is a very overlooked topic in romance. Everything is "falling in love," and sometimes "falling out of love" but no one ever talks about staying in love. But this is a real actual thing that people do. See, falling in love is the easy part (at least I think so.) Staying in love, for five, ten, twenty, forty years of marriage, that's the true test. Naturally, your romance probably won't cover forty years of their life. (If it does though, kudos to you) But if it covers more than a year, then this is going to be an obstacle you're going to have to face writing realistically. So what do you do?

(a) DON'T make them get along all of the time.

Couples argue. It happens. Fallen world and stuff. (Never have I been so casual about that topic.) Let your couple argue. Let them argue about who left the burner on, who should be in charge of the laundry, about what they should do for their anniversary. It's realistic.

But once they've had their argument- show them reconciling with each other. Fully and whole-heartedly forgiving each other. Not because the other person deserves it but because they love the other person unconditionally. (An important word in the subject of love.)

A note: if you're writing about you're M/C's parents, this is also applicable. Parents are often very undeveloped characters, so let your readers at least see a little humanity from them. But a note: not all parents like to have serious arguments in front of their children. Consider the kind of relationship you want between the two individuals and in the whole of the family.

(b) DON'T make them argue all of the time.

I say it before, I say it again: everything in moderation.

It's human nature to argue, but these two people are in love. They are likely best friends. Let them laugh over little inside jokes, give them things that they genuinely enjoy together. For example, both of my parents have this long time obsession with that show The Office. The one with Steve Carell as Michael Scott. Seriously. We've been watching that show for as long as I can remember. They have the whole series memorized. All it takes is a sly reference from my dad, and they both burst out laughing. 

(c) DO make it THEIR priority to spend time with each other. 

-Have them go on dates to the grocery store.
-Have them go go-karting together
-Ice cream dates- nuff said

If two people are interested in a long term relationship with each other, they make it their priority to spend time together. It's really as simple as that.

(d) DO let them have deep conversations

This is so important in any relationship. Life isn't all rainbows and sunshine and gumdrops. People have to have intelligent conversations every now and then. Politics and religion and philosophy and science and history are things that actually exist and that people can hold real conversations about. And it's important that people who are in a relationship know each other's opinions on these things, whether they have the same opinion or not.

There are so many aspects too a working relationship, but these are the four on my mind tonight. Have fun keeping your characters as crazy lovebirds!! May all of your endeavors be successful.