The In Between

4: Sensory Overload Wants to Kill Me and It's Winning So Far

I wish everything would just quiet down

Since I really feel like I'm starting to drown

I wish I could just lie in the dark

Sensory overload wants to kill me and it's winning so far.

I wish I could say that things improved. That the principal heard what I said yesterday and decided to listen to me. That wasn't the case. I couldn't sleep last night, on account of grandma yelling at what I assume was the television. When she finally shut up, around 2 in the morning, I fought for sleep and won over about an hour or 2 worth of it. When I woke up, she was yelling at the TV again. My ribs ached from yesterday, and I don't doubt that I'm probably all bruised up. My eye didn't look too great, but there wasn't anything that I could think of to fix it now. Despite the slight but constant pain associated with moving, right now, I got ready and helped Annie get ready. Before we left for school, Grandma stopped me. "Dear God, boy, you done got into a bar fight. Your Irish is showing. I'm almost proud of you. Now go get an education so you can stop being such a bleeding moron."

She has a tendency to confuse the hell out of me. She managed to compliment and insult me both in the same breath.

I knew it was coming. The lack of sleep and the stress of everything was not a good sign. School was too loud. So many energies and light and pain and noise. I was freaking out, not 5 minutes after showing up. I could hear everything, whispers even. I felt too much, and it all just hurt. That weird pain in my stomach appeared as a pinkish-purple ball.

The problem with crowded hallways is that everyone is loud and people like to touch you. Every touch or shriek shot pain through my stomach and I felt like I was dying. I could barely breathe. I made it to my locker, safely out of the crowd, and had just opened my locker, and someone tapped me on the shoulder. I flinched and tried to hit whoever it was, both, at the same time, and I'm glad I missed.

"Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Cam said, completely unfazed by the fact I almost punched him. "I figured I'd say hi and point out that our lockers are not too far from each other."

"Sorry I almost hit you. Where's your locker?"

Cam and I are literally 6 lockers apart. I ask, "How did you miss all the fights then?"

"I only saw one, and it was a while ago, I was scared to get involved. Sorry, next time I will."

"It's not a good idea to touch me today, so you know. Sensory overload wants to kill me and it's winning so far."

"Oh, dude, that sucks, sorry. If I'd have known..."

I stop him there. "No, it's fine, I know you didn't know. But please do me the favor of not telling anyone. They'll probably find out anyways, but just, like, maybe I'll get lucky."

He makes some faces that looks almost apologetic. "Do you want some backup? I don't know if it'll help, but maybe if you have someone with you, they'll leave you alone?"

I know he might be right, and it's pretty cool that he's offering, but at the same time, he's got it worse than me as it is, I don't want to make him someone else's target, in addition to all else. On one hand, it makes sense and I like the idea, but on the other hand, I feel like it wouldn't end well. Despite the half of me that is against it, I say, "Nah, thanks for offering, but I'm sure I'll be okay. The best way to help would be to avoid telling anyone."

He replies. "Okay, that I can do, if nothing else. If you change your mind, though, let me know."

"Will do," I say, as he walks to his locker to get whatever he needs.