The In Between

10: Happy Song

Every now and again we get that feeling

The great big void inside us opens up

And I really wish that you could help, but my head is like a carousel

And I'm going 'round in circles, going 'round in circles

Don't wake us up, we'd rather just keep dreaming

Because the nightmares in our heads are bad enough

The next morning, we got ready at a more relaxed pace. The thought was to be there from 10:30 to like 3:30. It was an hour less than we'd hung out yesterday. Annie decided she wanted to come and hang out, too, but she wasn't sure she wanted to be there the whole time.

"I got a bit bored when Ashlen would run off, honestly."

"She seems to have a crush on me."

"Oh. Yeah." She shrugs. "That's okay, I have a crush on your friend, there," she says, giggling.

"Cam," I ask her, and she nods. "You could tell him; it might make his day."

"True, but I don't know if I should."

"Don't be nervous. I don't know that he'll feel the same, but he might hug you and smile and stuff."

She shrugs again. "But, on the topic of not being there the whole day, I'll probably go, and if I get bored, I'll come home. That works, right?"

She usually walks home from school. There's not a lot of trouble in the town, so although that worries me a tiny bit, I agree. "Yeah, that works."

We'd finished getting ready and started walking to the park. "Cam said that he caught a Pikachu on the way to the park. I don't know, we might not find anything, since the-- oh, look, a Growlithe!"

"Got it," Annie shouts, meanwhile, I didn't catch it. It fled. "Better luck next time, Riley."

"If I had a nickel for every time I've failed..."

"Chill out, Riley, It's just a game."

But it's not. I'm not only talking about in the game, I'm talking about everywhere. I can't tell her that, not because I think she won't understand, but because she might understand it too well. Regardless of her school status, she still has to deal with grandma's... eccentricities? I don't know. It's just weird. What's weirder is that a game is what set me off. But I can't help but wonder what there is after this. What happens after all of this? Say Cam and I stay friends to the end of high school, at least, what happens then? College isn't a certainty for me, I don't even know what I want to do then. I have 4 years to figure it out, assuming I survive those 4 years. I wouldn't dare do anything to myself, especially not if it means leaving Annie behind, and now Cam, too, but there's so many possibilities for things that could happen, so many variables with different outcomes.

"Riley, he's not here yet, is he?"

I look around, and I can't see him anywhere. "I'll text him," I say. She runs off to go play, and I go sit at the table. It's a distraction, I guess, and I need it right now.

'Hey, we're at the park already, you coming?'

I waited for a short while to see if he'd respond, but after a minute of no reply, my mind wandered elsewhere. I guess it just became obvious that this is pretty much the safest place I can be. There's no drunk-yelling grandmothers or hard-hitting bullies, there's just Annie and Cam. God, I wish there was more than this. I hear kids in the hall complaining because their parents didn't buy them a specific iPhone. That's literally the biggest problem they'll admit to having. It's not to say that it's truly their biggest problem, but honestly, they don't know how good they have it, if it is their biggest. What I wouldn't give for my mom to still be alive. Hell, at this point, I even wish my dad would just show up out of the blue, assuming he's better at this parenting thing than grandma's been.