The In Between

11: Scars

In the heat of the moment, when fear has you frozen

You're crashing and burning, when life's at its coldest

Don't fall too far from who you are

Try to tear us apart, but know that we'll wear our scars.

We actually brought drinks today, and I brought money, so if it was earlier on, we could always just run to the store and grab something from there. I was not concerned. We'd played with Annie and Ashlen for about an hour, it was a little after 12 when we sat back down to take a break. Annie and Ashlen where at a different picnic table, sitting and talking like Cam and I were, and I just found it kinda funny. I don't know. Anyways. I thought back to Friday, for some reason, and the topic that came up there.

"Hey, I'm sorry, this isn't exactly the most positive and upbeat topic ever, but I'm curious about something. You said your parents regularly insult each other with your self-harm and stuff?"

"Yeah, what about that?"

"Have either of them ever tried getting help for you, or even at least talking about it with you?"

"No. Not once," he says.

I face-palmed. "Okay, if they're not willing to fix it, neither of them should be able to say anything about it."

"Look, man, I've just come to believe, at this point, that they're both terrible people. The best thing they do is buy us stuff or give us money to buy stuff with. I don't dare ask for anything. Last thing I need is that being thrown back into my face later. I've been saving the money in a few different places, in case I even need it. I've got, like, 10 different stashes, and I just come up with witty ways to remember. Like, the smallest stash is in a pair of shoes I outgrew a year or two ago but haven't gotten rid of. They don't go through my stuff to get rid of anything, they let us know when it's donation time and we're pretty much the ones going through our own stuff. Anyways, that's the 10th stash, and I literally just did it because the shoes are the color of 10, to me. So it just always made sense."

"Why do you hide your money, though?"

"So that if Charlie or my parents need to borrow it, I only have like, $10 with me at a time, so I'll just give them that. They'll think I spent the rest."

"How much do you have?"

"Like, $300."

Woah. "Nice."

"I'm saving it in case I ever need it. The thought of running away has popped up more than once, and I've just not really thought of buying much. Honestly, what I have a tendency to spend money on is probably the stupidest thing ever; Like, I don't know if you noticed on Friday, but my room has its own individual bathroom, all the bedrooms in the house do. So I basically keep my medicine cabinet well-stocked with first-aid stuff. It often comes in handy, as much as I hate to admit it."

"That's so practical. I like it. Honestly, though, I'm not that responsible. I'd spend it on magazines or stuff like that."

"I mean, the only other thing I buy with my money is CDs, although I buy CDs often."

"Alright, maybe we're not so different after all."

He laughs.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, just watching Annie and Ashlen and other random kids play. "That was a lie, technically; I save my money, usually, too. I probably have about half what you have, but I'm saving it as much as I possibly can, because, it's like you said, you never know when you'll need it."