Billdip Oneshots (Wattys2017)

Funny Text Messages

Dipper's POV
I decided to text Grunkle Stan since my birthday was coming up and there was something that I've wanted for a while now.

Dip- I wish I had a pussy :(

Stan- Umm, Dipper, is there something you want to tell me? Are you finally coming out?

Dip- OMG I MEANT I WANT A PUPPY!!! Wait, you thought I was gay?

Stan- Sure you want a puppy. And it's not that hard to tell from the sounds coming from your room when you friend Bill sleeps over.

"Oh shit!" I said to myself.

Dip- ...I didn't think we were that loud.

Stan- FAMILY MEETING WHEN I GET TO THE SHACK!!!

"Damn it! I really messed up now."
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Dipper's POV
I have finally come out about being gay after seeing how I started to find guys attractive and could quicky tell that girls were not for me. The only person I haven't told is Great Uncle Ford, not because I think that he'll dislike it, but due to that fact that I don't know if he even knows what it means, but Mabel said I should tell him and I think the best way to do so with the least amount of embarrassment is via text.

Dip- Hey Great Uncle Ford, uh everyone already knows, but I'm gay.

Ford- Another religion? Is that the one where you don't eat any meat?

"Ugg, I knew this was going to happen, okay lets see how I can explain this simply."

Dip- No, it's the one where I have sex with other men.

Ford- Oh good. It's good to eat plenty of meat.

Dip- Sure Ford.

"Umm, well I guess he approves, now I'll just have to wait to see how he responds when my boyfriend is Bill.
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Dipper's POV
Stan, Ford, and Mabel were all out doing things meaning I had the place to myself, so I decided to text Bill, my secret boyfriend, to come over.

Dip- Hey Bill, everyone is out for the night, so fill free to come over. Don't forget to bring lube ;)

-Alright Baby. See you then.

Dip- Did I mention that I love it when you call me baby?

Mabel- Did I mention I love it when you call me "sister"? Check the name bro.

Dip- Shit.

Mabel- That's alright. Have fun! P.S. I knew you were gay.

"I just hope Mabel doesn't tell everyone." I said with a sigh before texting the real Bill.
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Dipper's POV
Today I decided I was going to come out of the closet to everyone, and since I'm terrified of there reactions, I decided I would text Grunkle Stan first.

Dip- Stan I'm gay.

Stan- I need a ride to the bank.

"What? What does that have to do with anything, I don't know, maybe it's just Stan trying to change the subject." I said to myself.

Dip- Why?

Stan- Because I owe your sister 30 bucks.

"Uh, well that does sound like Mabel."
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Bill's POV
Finally it's April Fools and I know just the trick for my boyfriend, Pinetree.

Bill- Honey, I'm pregnant...it's yours.

Dip- ...

Bill- HAHAHAHA April Fools!

Dip- Bill, you're a male...I'm male...you top...that's literally impossible.

Bill- Umm, I didn't think that one through.
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Dipper's POV
Dip- I love you too! I want you in my ass right now :)

Bill- Really?! How about tomorrow? I didn't know you were so kinky. I'll bring my dildo!!!

Dip- Arms Arms Arm... not ass.

Bill- Okay good, because I'm out of lube and I really didn't want to hurt you.
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Dipper's POV
Dip- Grunkle Stan is going to kill me.

- Why?

Dip- Because I'm gay and I'm dating you.

Stan- Check who you are sending this to. I want you at the Shack, NOW. AND BRING YOUR BOYFRIEND TOO!

Dip- OH SHIT. STAN. Please don't kill me.

Stan- I'm not. Just wanted to have dinner with you too. I'm starving.

Dip- It's Bill Cipher.

Stan- Just don't tell Ford and pay for the meal.

Dip- okay.
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A/N
Hope y'all enjoyed! See ya next update!