Queen of Nothing

15. Queen of Meeting the Parents

I was pacing around my hotel room, anxiously awaiting a text from Tristan. After Daphne gave me permission to meet the king and queen, I told him that I'd changed my mind. He'd been ecstatic, and we arranged to have dinner on a day that Sheridan had a clear schedule. That day had come, and I was not adequately prepared for it.

Sure, I'd put on my most appropriate 'dinner with the parents' attire — a blue dress with a modest neckline; toned down my makeup from 'steal your man' dark to a classy neutral; and changed my talisman to look less drab courtesy of a new spell I learned from Daphne — since I had so much practice changing color, moving on to shape had been surprisingly simple. But I didn't feel ready. I don't know if I could ever be ready for a meeting with a monarch.

The deja vu was not lost on me. How many times during the competition had I stressed about meeting the King Nathaniel, worried myself senseless about impressing him and standing out from the other girls? This time it was different, and said difference made everything about my experience in the competition feel laughably trivial. No matter how I'd displeased King Nathaniel (and there had been some serious incidents) the worst that could happen was being disqualified and sent home. Now, one misstep could lead to my execution. Although the competition had been one of the lowest points of my life, the pressure I felt now almost made me look back on the experience with fondness and nostalgia.

In less dire news but still stress-worthy news, I now had to come to terms with the fact that I had a boyfriend.

Earlier when we were on the phone, Tristan had casually mentioned that his guardians were itching to meet his new girlfriend. It had thrown me for a loop, and I briefly wondered who he could have been talking about until it dawned on me. We'd been on several dates, had intentions to keep seeing each other, and I was even meeting the closest thing Tristan had to parents. By all accounts, he and I were a couple.

That was all well and good from Tristan's end, but I still wasn't sure whether I actually liked him or if I was merely going along with our relationship because powerful people needed me to. Perhaps I did? He had a cute smile and was interesting to talk to. He wasn't using me to raise his status or warm his bed, which should have made him an instant keeper. And yet I couldn't help but have reservations.

I'd had lovers before, but nobody had ever been worthy of the time and effort required of a real relationship. Love was a foreign concept to me. My ideal future never included it because I'd always felt like no man would ever be truly worthy of me. Even if I married, it would be temporary and out of convenience. Even King Nathaniel, who I wanted desperately to be my immortal maker, would have only been a means to an end. There was no way I could see myself suffering through a marriage for centuries.

Did that make me a bad person? Maybe. But that's not something I'd ever concerned myself with. It was easier to achieve one's goals without having to suffer through the moral judgments of other people. That's what I told myself every time my conscience tried to steer me down a different path, as it was doing now.

There was a knock on my door. Startled, I rushed over to open it, revealing Tristan. He wore a finely-tailored slate-colored suit and his normally wavy hair was slicked back. Though he looked good, I couldn't help but prefer the jacket and jeans look from our last date. Formality didn't suit him.

Tristan eyed me up and down, his expression searching. "You look..."

"Appropriate, I hope," I finished.

He gave me a thoughtful nod. "I can't find any fault in you. Then again, I'm a little biased."

I smiled, in spite of the fact that his words were a mental slap to the face. If only he knew the truth...