Charlotte and the Kingdom of Starsha

Chapter 13

Conan could not believe his mother's sudden outburst.

Why is she so obsessed with these wielders?

Ever since the king, his father, died, she had been so distant. All she ever did was confide herself in her chambers. Even with dealing with daily hassles, her mind seemed to be somewhere other than where it was meant to be. She used to be a gentle, kind, spirited mother.

Now she seemed like a piece of coal- hardened and only alive when something ignited the flame within it. 

Queen Meradissa shifted her head down to the floor. Her eyes were in that faraway place again. Conan gathered up the courage after a few minutes and spoke.

"Mother, I know that Castan seems like a troubled case, but I can tell he is still grieving over his father. He does not know how to channel his emotions like many of us do."

The queen kept looking at the floor.

"Mother, you know as well as I do that Castan favored father among all of us. And now that he's gone, what does he have to live for?" Conan said sadly.

The queen looked up at him with shadows under her eyes. "What does he have to live for? He has a future, a kingdom to think about Conan! He should stop meddling around over his father's death and focus on what is really important! He will be the next king, Conan! You know as well as I do on THAT matter."

"Mother, I understand that, but I do believe you are not giving time for him to grieve properly. You keep throwing him at other things to keep his mind off of it, but it will not work, mother. He needs to confront it, not be distracted by other things that hundreds of men in this castle can take care of."Conan retorted.

"We do not have time for grieving..." the queen said softly.

Conan sighed. He felt like the world was falling apart. His mother, his brother, everyone. 

Including him.

"What of when I pass, mother. Will you still throw him at any distraction you can "make up" or will you actually let him heal in peace!"

"When the matter arises, I will deal with it as I please! Until then, he must grow stronger for the sake of this kingdom!"

Conan felt his rage ignite, but he held back with all his might and excused himself from the room. 

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He saw him sitting on a wooden bench, hands holding his head in dismay. Conan could see drops of water below his head and he heard sniffling. Conan silently approached him and sat beside him. 

For a few moments, the brothers didn't speak. Slowly, Castan lifted his head and stared at the flowers in front of him.

"Do you recall the death of our father?" he asked quietly.

Conan silently said yes.

"You were there weren't you?" he asked.

Conan silently said yes again.

"Describe again what happened."Castan looked up at his brother.

Conan sighed and spoke. "Word arose that an orc had been spotted near the cliffs of Teartale. As far as to our knowledge, Orcs never ventured as far as that. So, our father gathered up some men, including me, and we set off to investigate. Castan, you know what happened. Why must I recall-"

"Just...continue," Castan interrupted.

Conan cleared his throat and looked out at the flowers. 

"The day was clear, the sun was high and there were only a few clouds that seemed to insignificant to be considered as such. The wind was hinted with the smell of honeysuckles from the south. It didn't take us long to ride up to the cliffs. I remember looking over the cliffs and seeing the raging river below, thinking how dreadful it would be if..."

Conan felt his throat thicken and his eyes start to water, but he continued.

"We looked around and found to traces of anything related to orc. Then suddenly, as father was standing by the cliffs, the ground gave way and he tried to jump, but...but something seemed wrong. He just turned and stared at us as he plummeted to the waters below. Castan, I stood in the exact spot, but the ground did not feel uneven. It doesn't make any sense! And after all the battles he has fought, why didn't he jump? How can fear keep him there whereas on the battlefield, he can slay man one by one without stopping?! How?"

Conan stiffened a sob and sat back in silence.

Castan looked at his brother with pleading in his eyes. " Did you try to save him?" he asked slowly.

Conan nodded. "The men had to stop me from throwing myself off the cliffs..."

They sat in silence for what felt like the longest time. Then Castan spoke.

"They never found his body..."

"The search party spoke to the Kline and they said they never saw his body. They can find the smallest jewel, yet they could not find the king."

"But do you think?"

"Castan, no one would have been able to survive from that height. His body could have been carried to the great waters for all we know!"

Castan started at him with hope in his eyes. He seemed to be stuck in another world.

Conan grabbed his shoulders and shook him."Castan! Our father is dead! He is never coming back!"

Castan seemed shocked at his sudden outburst, but then he softened and looked at the ground.

"I know..." he whispered.

Conan spoke softer this time."Castan, look at me."

He lifted his head to reveal his turquoise eyes staring back at Conan with sadness. 

"I know you miss him so, but giving yourself away to drink and other things is not going to ease the pain, nor bring father back. You cannot keep torturing yourself over father.I-I know you blame me."

" I would have saved him."

"I tried to save him! But-"

"But what?" His face hardened and he stood up."You were more worried about your posture and pride rather than father's life!!!" He shouted.

" I love father as much as you do! The cliffs were safe, Castan! I blame myself for not being faster, but he was just gone!"

"You were probably speaking to the men about your "plans" when you become king, huh? Face it Conan, you wanted him gone so you can ascend the throne!"

"No Castan!  I would never murder our father in cold blood for the sake of power! You know me!"

"Sometimes I do not think I do..." Castan looked at his brother in disgust. "You are hiding something from me. I can tell by the way you look at me. Is that pity I see? Or hatred?

"I do not hate you, brother! Why can't you think straight! Your grief has clouded your judgement!"

"Or maybe it's strengthened it," he replied.

Castan walked up to Conan and looked at him with accusation.

"I will find out exactly what happened on those cliffs, Conan. It seems the men that were with him on that day do not recall you ever lifted a hand as our father fell to his death. I WILL KNOW THE TRUTH!"

Castan turned and walked away. Conan was left in his despair.