DEMONS ✦ bts

stigma

it was the first fissure in the columns that had upheld my childhood. which every individual must destroy before he can become himself. such fissures and rents grow together again; heal and are forgotten. but in the most secret recesses, they continue to live and bleed.

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the world around him seemed to fade in and out of his vision; never finding a perfect balance between light and dark. he stayed upon the ground, staring, unfocused, and silent. his breath made no noise as it filled and left his lungs, and for a moment, taehyung wasn't sure he was even breathing. in such a world, in such a realm, was there even a point in taking each breath? was there a point in continuing?

softly, far off from somewhere in the darkness surrounding him, he heard footsteps. soft feet padded against the cold, hard floor, and taehyung stood up. he knew what would walk out of that veil of shadows. he knew and he welcomed it; his demon.

unlike the first time he appeared in the realm, he didn't try to speak when the demon appeared. he would have only been able to say one phrase, two words filled with the utmost regret and guilt; 'i'm sorry.'

the demon, a cruel and nasty reflection of taehyung, walked into the light and stopped before the boy. tears streamed down its face, dripping slowly off its chin and onto the ground with a soft pitter patter. the sound seemed to echo within the quiet. taehyung looked away from the demon.

he couldn't stand its red eyes, its tear stained cheeks. it reminded him all too well of what he'd done to deserve those tears. that was the point though, wasn't it? that was the point of his suffering. he had to pay for what he'd done. he had to suffer as much as he had made people suffer. that was the nature of his punishment.

"why do you look sad?"

taehyung's gaze snapped up to the demon. "i'm sorry."

"you pushed me down. you made me suffer for your mistakes." the demon sneered, tears falling more quickly than before. "while you put on a happy facade, i stayed in the shadows and took every blow you gave yourself. every harsh word, every hint of blame, every awful thought. i took it all."

the boy took a step back, wary of the demon's clenched fists. "i'm sorry."

"do you know how i suffered? do you care? or are you still the same selfish son of a bitch you were when you did what you did?"

the creature grabbed taehyung's shirt, holding the boy in place as it sobbed out every word.

"did you even think it through? did you even stop for one moment to consider that maybe the problem was you? why do you always blame others for your own fucking issues? why won't you ever take responsibility?"

every word was matched with a blow to the gut. the demon's anger sent taehyung tumbling to the floor. he held his stomach as he wept. "i'm sorry!"

"was it worth it, taehyung? was it worth losing your friends? your family? your happiness?" it took a step forward, and threw its foot into the boy's ribs. "was it fucking worth it?!"

taehyung coughed and sputtered, blood pooling in his mouth. "i'm- i'm sorry."

"you knew that you shouldn't have done it. you knew that it wasn't what you wanted. you convinced yourself it was right, that it was the only option. you didn't even stop to reconsider; to even try and fix it."

taehyung's demon stood above him, pressing its foot into the boy's throat.

"why did you let it happen?" it took a step back, watching taehyung struggle for breath. "why didn't you stop?"

the demon seemed to be more sad than angry in that moment. its tears hadn't stopped, only picked up in speed. the creature's face was pale and red, drained of life and whatever anger it had in its heart. taehyung felt sorry for it. for the first time, he felt sorry for what he had done to himself. the demon, while disgusting and torturous, was the product of taehyung's own self hatred.

"you were so scared, taehyung. you were so terrified of what you'd done; of what you became."

taehyung's demon fell to the ground in a mess of tears and limbs. it looked to the boy, who was still spread across the ground, spitting out blood.

"you let it happen, and now the damage is done. there isn't anything you can do about it. no amount of self hate or guilt is going to fix what you did. you'll have to live with it. you'll have to live with what you did to yourself." the demon hesitated, "you'll have to live with what you've become."

taehyung wanted to say so much. he wanted to explain himself, express his thoughts and feelings. but he knew it was pointless. he hadn't been thinking back then. he only acted. his demon knew that. it knew that taehyung was just scared and selfish, desperate to get away from the way he felt. no amount of explaining was going to change the truth.

"i'm sorry."

the demon laughed humorlessly, "do you think 'i'm sorry' is going to change what you did? do you think it'll fix everything you broke?"

taehyung looked away, defeated. it was right. no matter how many times he expressed his regret, it'd never make it all right again. it'd never change what he'd done, or who he became. he'd already ruined everything good he had. he'd already lost.

"you were so selfish, taehyung. you still are." the demon stood up, "for all this time, you've been consumed by what you did. and you let it consume you. you didn't even try to forgive yourself; not once. you threw yourself into a prison, into hell, and you won't let anyone, not even yourself, pull you out. and you love it. you revel in it, don't you? even now, you're still so fucking selfish."

"you think you deserve this pain, and all the horrible things that have happened to you; and you're right. you fucking deserve it. but you fail to realize that when you punish yourself, it's not just you who gets hurt. it's your loved ones; your friends, your family. it's all the people who you try so desperately to protect and make happy. how fucking ironic."

"i'm sorry."

"there's no point, you know, in me torturing you. you do a better job of making yourself miserable than i ever will."

"i'm sorry."

the demon smiled an empty smile and approached the darkness again. as it turned its back, a cage slowly came down from above taehyung's head. he didn't try to move away. even if he wanted to, he would not have been unable to escape his cell. he couldn't escape a hell of his own making.

as the cage fell into place, trapping taehyung where he laid, the demon turned around one last time.

"you should forgive yourself, taehyung. not just for my sake, but for yours, too." it frowned sadly, tears pooling above its lip, "hell is no place to spend eternity."