DEMONS ✦ bts

first love

there are numerous ways in which god can make us lonely and lead us back to ourselves. this was the way he dealt with me at that time.

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softly, ever so softly, yoongi pressed the keys on the piano. though he was afraid of the noise that would come out, he continued, eager to play a tune that could capture the feeling in his heart. a slow, sad melody rang through the lonely music store, and yoongi sighed an unknown emotion.

why was he so terrified of the instrument producing a hideous noise? it never had before, in all his time in that dark and quiet world, it had only ever produced beautiful notes to ease his soul. why was he suddenly so afraid of what he'd create?

somewhere far off, outside the small shop, a whistle danced across the stagnant air. though muffled and stiff, yoongi recognized it. it was the same tune he'd played to himself; the song that expressed his loneliness.

suddenly struck with the desire to follow it, he stood from his seat before the piano.

what would he find beyond the music shop? who would be lurking in the shadows outside, just out of reach, out of sight?

slowly and quietly, yoongi opened the door keeping him inside the safety of his little building. he'd have to venture out, find the source of the oh-so familiar whistling. despite his curiosity, he was terrified to know.

taking a step outside, the whistling picked up again. it seemed to come from all directions before cascading into his ears and puncturing his soul with its sadness. he felt the pain that poured itself out into the open air and felt his heart stutter in his chest.

he was familiar with it; had written it himself. he knew everything of the isolation that weaved itself throughout the notes and time signatures. so why was it so unbearably painful to have his sadness echoed back to him?

wandering away from his safe haven, yoongi listened as the whistling got neither loud nor quiet. it never varied in volume, and only seemed to follow him as he lost his way.

yoongi's breath grew more frantic as he finally looked forward, rather than everywhere around him. stretched out into the darkness, was a road. it had no sign of cars, no tire marks, no damage. and spread out above him, in a mist-like form, was a reflection of the road beneath him.

he stumbled back, his breath caught in his throat as he stared up at it. suddenly, the realm seemed so much smaller; yoongi seemed so much smaller.

the whistle began again, pulling yoongi away from his discovery and toward his task.

why had it seemed like the whistle came from everywhere, yet no where all the same? it wasn't possible that someone could have been in his world. no one could have followed him in. even if all yoongi wanted was for someone to venture inside of him, he knew it wasn't possible. he knew that even if someone tried, he wouldn't let them in.

yoongi continued on his path through the darkness. he searched and searched for who could have possibly returned his sorrow, but found no signs of life.

for what felt like hours, yoongi followed the melody through his realm. never calling out, or straying from the road that would lead him back to safety and comfort.

abruptly, from far off in the darkness before him, yoongi heard what he least expected; a car. its tires squealed and whined across the street and yoongi was frozen in place.

this wasn't supposed to happen. how could it have been a car? no one had ever entered his realm. no one had found themselves inside yoongi's head. was it finally changing? could yoongi finally rid himself of the loneliness that had trapped him there?

the car raced past yoongi, barely missing him as he threw himself out of harm's way. struck by a sudden fear, he turned around, fully aware of where the car was headed.

far off down the road, yoongi heard the car crash into his music shop. yoongi's heart broke in his chest. he was fully aware of what had happened upon hearing the glass on the store window crack and shatter. his piano was destroyed, his escape and confidante. his safe haven was ruined. what would he have? in this horribly lonely place, who would he have but himself?

yoongi turned on his heel, running back to his shop in hopes of rescuing it from its pre-decided doom. everything seemed to slow down and fade in and out as the shop came into view. the car, abandoned and leaking fluids, sat within the wrecked store. its front was smashed against yoongi's piano, and in an instant, it was up in flames.

where was he supposed to go from there? in his huge,
open, and empty world, what was he supposed to do? he was alone, abandoned against his will. no one but himself to talk to.

yoongi turned around, and began wandering back down the road that had led him into a terrifyingly new loneliness.

no sound save his own footsteps was left in the realm. the whistle had stopped long ago and left yoongi to wonder if it was ever there at all.

the misty reflection from before that had shown the empty road, only showed yoongi's own reflection. his eyes, dark and hollow, were overshadowed by some deep and awful sorrow. his lips, sewn into a seemingly permanent frown. he barely recognized himself. what had this universe filled with loneliness done to him? how did isolation have the power to change him beyond recognition?

hours seemed to pass as yoongi continued down the road. he could hardly see beyond his own arm's reach at some points, but he trekked on. the only light to be perceived in the world, seemed to come from yoongi himself, but he barely believed it to be truth.

how could he radiate light? how could he light his own path?

yoongi stopped suddenly. not a single sound filled the still air and yoongi wished so deeply for the whistle to return.

even if he'd never find its source, at least he wasn't alone. at least it had given him a reason to continue. what was his purpose now? why did he continue down this road? there wasn't an end in sight, and no reason to search for one.

why did the road make him feel trapped? why did it make his lungs constrict and tighten in his chest? it made his world seem so small, so closed in and lonely despite its seemingly wide open expanse. was he the only one? was he all there would ever be in this dark world? just himself, his lost sad tune, and his reflection? why did he have to be alone?

he didn't want to be alone.