DEMONS ✦ bts

lie

my parents' house made up one realm. this realm was familiar to me in almost every way. mother and father; love and strictness; model behavior and school.

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jimin swore the white of the room was meant to seem taunting. to be so bright, yet empty. to be beautiful and pure, yet saddening. of course it was. it was his own mind after all. it all meant something. his demon knew him well.

he sat at the table, staring blankly at the apple before him.

it all meant something.

his demon would show up soon. it always did. as soon as the clock struck midnight, his darker counterpart would reappear and so began the seemingly endless fight to conquer it for the night. if it could be called conquering at all. it was only temporary though. jimin never won indefinitely. that would ruin the meaning of 'demon'. it always came back.

there was a soft chime from somewhere in the realm and jimin sighed. another night of meaningless fighting; endless torture. he wished so deeply to finally just defeat his demon. to stand above it and win for once; to overcome it. but that dream was far off and unattainable.

jimin could hear the demon approaching him. it stalked up to him so slowly, as if he'd pounce on him and eat him alive, suck out his soul, slash his throat. and maybe jimin wished it would sometimes. maybe he wished it would just kill him, let him leave, release him from this hell of his own making. but jimin knew he'd end up right back in that seat, staring at the goddamn apple he hated so much. there was no escaping his own mind.

"aw, what's the matter, jimin?"

the demon laughed wickedly.

jimin sat still, not bothering to look at the creature. the sooner he got done with the torment, the better.

"not talking to me, huh?"

jimin moved to open his mouth, but for the millionth time since he first appeared there, found himself unable to speak. he sighed deeply.

that was his punishment. in this hell, he couldn't speak. he couldn't defend himself, or tell the demon to leave him alone. he was forced to stay quiet. after all, staying quiet is what put him there in the first place.

the demon walked up beside jimin, and trailing behind it, a wave of black and white. jimin frowned as his bright red apple turned grey and bleak. he watched his skin turn bland and colorless, and pushed back the wave of emotion coming over him.

no matter how many times his demon did it, jimin would never get used to it. even living in a black and white world for just a night was saddening. losing his ability to see color, to see life, it pained him deeply. he knew it related to his real self, the jimin living on the outside world. represented how bland the world looked, how sad and dark it all was. he knew it was just a metaphor, but metaphors are the most powerful form of comparison known to man. it was bound to make him feel something.

"you know the drill, kid. i'll say my piece, and then you can leave."

the demon smiled, sitting down at the table. its smile stretched further upon jimin's lack of response, and it began.

"i wouldn't be here if you just opened your mouth, you fool. but i think you know that, don't you?"

jimin looked away, fidgeting with his fingers.

"i'm sure you also know why you can't tell anyone, then."

the creature grinned, and with a chuckle, leaned across the table toward jimin, who flinched away. the sight of its face made the boy sick. how could someone look so much like him, yet not at all.

"you know you can't, because you'd just be a burden. you'd just be another worry on their plate; another thing for them to take care of. you're a chore to them. an inconvenience."

jimin's demon laughed loudly, closing its hand around the grey apple between them.

"so, you lie to them. you tell them you're fine, that you're just being dramatic, emotional, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. but you and i both know that's not all there is to the story. you and i both know there's reasons for your thoughts. you just refuse to reveal them to anyone. even your best friend."

jimin's stomach dropped in guilt. did he really have to be reminded of it? of how often he lied to his best friend because he didn't want to worry him? how was it fair?

"everyone around you tells you to get help, to talk about it, to stop bottling it up, and yet, you continue. you lie in the face of someone who cares, because you're scared and ashamed. scared of being cared about, and ashamed because you feel and think the way you do."

jimin shrank further in his seat.

"you're right to not tell them. they have their own problems, not including you. why should they have to help you? listen to you? you should be doing that for them, but you can't even do that, can you?"

jimin felt anger boil in his stomach, but pushed it down, ignored it. the demon smiled.

"doing it again, jimin? hiding how you feel? pushing it down? you know, one of these days, it's going to push back, and it's not going to be pretty."

the demon continued to smile, even as jimin's anger turned to sadness. he knew the wretched thing was right. he knew it wasn't healthy to keep it all inside. but he just couldn't stop now. he never told anyone how he felt. not once in his life. it wasn't easy to go from hiding everything to telling people how he felt. and doing it honestly? impossible.

"every time you keep it all bottled up, you explode at one point or another. and every time, it hurts someone. whether it's you or someone you love. you explode, and they leave, because isn't that what you deserve? if you punish yourself, other people end up getting hurt, too, so they have the right and privilege to leave."

tears welled up in jimin's eyes, and for once, he let them fall. there wasn't a point in keeping them in. the demon would mock him whether or not they fell.

"all these pent up emotions and you still wonder why there's so much wrong with you."

the demon sighed in amusement. it rolled the apple between his hands for a moment, before setting it down in front of jimin with a smirk.

"i've gotten bored of you. eat it so i can leave."

jimin reached for the apple out of routine, staring at it sadly. he wished that just this once, he'd eat the apple, and the demon would never come back. he longed for the apple to burst with flavor upon his tongue, and for the demon to wither into nothingness so he could wake up the next day and not feel the way he felt. to just exist and feel okay, and not have to hide everything.

but it was a dream doomed to fail, so he took a bite of the apple of lies, and watched as the world around him faded towards the demon.

"all of this just because you're afraid of being a burden."