Petrichor

Your Unrequited Lover

To the one I love,

I don't want you to love me back.

Let's get this straight. I love you. You don't love me. And guess what? That's perfectly okay. I am not asking you to fall for me, to go all gaga over me. I can't just inject your heart with hormones specifically modified to make you fall for me, can I? Nope, no one can. No one can make you fall for me.

I love you enough to consider myself lucky about the fact that you are my friend. Someone you talk to, acknowledge the existence of. And, no, don't get this wrong. I am not accusing you of 'friendzoning' me, as most people would like to claim this situation as. It just sounds wrong, this friendzone, in this case. I do not intend to get laid or get into your pants, or even view you with respect to certain sexual vulgarities. Trust me, there's more to you I love other than your body. I love that gleam in your eyes when you see chocolate, but can't have it because you're ridiculously obsessed with maintaining your figure. I love that guilty smile and absolutely weak excuses when you actually get hold of those chocolates. I love how you get pissed off when your hair gets messed up in the wind, or your quirky sense of fashion involving sneakers and dresses with endless thumb rings. Those moments when you can't make any sound and choke because you're laughing too hard? Yeah, those are precious. Or when you smile at your mobile screen, thinking nobody's looking. Or when I see you with him. I feel happy.

I don't think that's what people feel like when they're stuck in this 'friendzone'.

It feels nice to know that the person that I love is happy. Yes, even if with someone else. I'll be honest and just say that okay, there's a certain sadness in seeing you kissing someone else when I've always craved the feeling of you in my arms. In that case, I don't see why I should have any problem if you're being happy with someone else, if not me, when all I want you to be is happy.

You see, I have never imagined us together. But I have dreamt a lot. All of them involving us. It makes it easier to deal with the harsh reality. Again, dreaming is something I don't usually recommend, because it's like digging your own grave. Sometimes those dreams let loose of your fingers of capability and reach the point of impossibility. But we don't stop, and it hits us, and we feel like dying when we're not able to conquer them. I feel like I'm doing the same, letting myself get carried away with those unachievable fantasies. I'm developing this unhealthy addiction of stuffing my brain with unnecessary situations, the chances of occuring of which is exactly 0. But, you know what? You're worth it. You're worth everything. Even if I die with my hopes getting crushed I'll die knowing that I was dreaming about you, and it just makes it more beautiful. I die a million times over every single day whenever I see you, and I couldn't be more thankful to you for making me realize how strong the power of love is.

Unrequited love can be haunting, just like the person who is oblivious of all the love he or she is getting. But here's the thing: I don't want to be your unrequited lover. My love for you crosses the boundaries of unrequited love. As I said, I've reached the point where I'm not even trying to win your heart. The truth is, I never did. I know how to calm my own fluttering heart whenever I see you and accept, just accept with a genuine happy smile that you're not mine, and I love you. I've loved you since forever, and unrequited love just doesn't fit here. I'd rather be that guy whom you're comfortable talking with, or who buys you chocolates, or lends you a shoulder whenever you need it, or watches the stars with you. I won't blame you even if you choose someone else over me, I wouldn't protest if your head rests on someone else's shoulder. I'll just stand there and ponder how the hell did I end up being in love with the most perfect girl in the universe. Being the way you are makes it worth being in love with you even when we don't share the mutual feelings. And somehow, this feels right. I don't think it'd have been more beautiful than it already is without you being in love with me. This is how it should be, and I'm glad it's the way it is.

Just know, I'll be here. I don't really promise forevers, so I won't promise you the same. If you want to go away from me, who's stopping you, babe? I love you. I love you a lot. I love you enough to let you go. Promise me you'll be happy, wherever you end up in life, and I'll just find a better reason to live then. To live in the same world where you're happy.

I mean it.

-From your unrequited lover.