Petrichor

BAF: Best Acquaintances Forever

Hi there friend

How are you putting up? With your new best friend?

I still think about you a lot. It's been a year now, and unlike you, I haven't been able to find a new best friend, I couldn't replace you. It's ridiculous, I know. I have met a lot of people, connected with a lot of them, let a few of them in. But somehow or the other, there was not a single one I could trust with my weekly mood-swings or my daily tantrums about the unnecessary stress I took. No one was interested in my drawings or my poems, and therefore I miss you a lot.

I don't like to go through our chat and figure out what went wrong, like most people would do. Trust me, it's a tedious process. I don't know if you know this or not, but I respect your decisions of choosing someone else over me. I never questioned your choices. Throughout the year that we fell apart, all I got to know was that I never could live up to your expectations or was not worthy of your secrets anymore. Or maybe I asked too many questions during the movies? Or oh yes, I think I didn't let you eat that last slice of pizza. Ah, that's it, right? You know I can buy thirty two pizzas and exhaust my pocket money if that means to get you back.

Whatever my Instagram stories with #LateNightFun may give the impression of, watching horror movies alone feels like shit, man. I mean, I don't have anyone to bitch or scream with when the stupid actor decides to go inside the exact room where he shouldn't. That day I saw a cat and suddenly realized how stupid and damp our plan seems now of adopting twenty-one kittens when we grow up in our own apartments. Why do I even remember these in the first place?

I want to know what is happening in your life now. But it's not like I don't. My friends tell me a lot about you. Your social media profiles tell me how you enjoyed at the concert you went to last week. I don't see you moping around in class, I don't see you hopping up to me to tell me about that new guy you stalked on Facebook when it takes every cell of my body to not to do the same. I know you're happy. And I try to be too. It's weird that I still write in my journal pretending it's you, and somehow it gives my heart a relief. To pour out to you again, like the old times.

As I said, I never questioned your decisions. You found a better confidant in someone else. Someone who understands you better, or someone who cares for you more. Something I failed to do myself, I guess. I shouldn't have watched those Barbie movies who made me believe in this fuckall BFF concept in the first place. There are so many people I can turn to when I'm crying in the middle of the night, or when I feel like running away from my house. A lot of new friends who genuinely care about me. But not you. Not you who called me up even before I could have the chance to say what was wrong with me. Not you who sent me stupid YouTube links so that we could laugh till our tummies hurt. I still remember how we were obsessed with Hannah Montana and sang "True Friends" at the top of our voices. I miss you so much, I miss us so much.

I don't know if I have the right to say this or not, when it was my fault form the start, but I do feel alone sometimes. Sitting amongst my group of friends, bitching about people, seeing you sitting amongst yours in the far end, it breaks my heart. I should've been more caring, should've been more considerate about your feelings and not let go of mine, and lose you in the mean time. I've stayed up nights after nights, crying my eyes out, the guilt weighing down my heart. That I didn't let you have what you wanted? That I wasn't enough for you? Because yeah, I've been through heartbreaks before, but when your best friend becomes your acquaintance, then that's some next level shit.

We still talk, yes. We talk when we need each other's help. When we need the last minute notes before the physics exam, or some friend's contact number. But we do not send gross selfies or Pewdiepie links or new book suggestions. We do not call and talk for three hours straight, just after we return from school. But it's okay; at least you're in my life. I can proudly say that my best friend is still in my life, even though she's not my best friend anymore.

I don't want you to read this, because I know if you do, you're going to take the blame on yourself of what I'm going through now, or not give a hang at all, and I don't want either of them. I want you to continue with your life, whatever makes you happy, with whoever makes you happy. It was my fault that I found a good friend in you and expected you to stay when I was not able to be the same. It was my fault that I was too caught up with my other problems and didn't see what you were going through. I never bothered to organize my priority list, and hence, here we are. I still get jealous when your new best friend gets to know about your new dress and not me.

I never intended to make this cheesy, even though you love cheese, but in case you decide to get back, I will be waiting. No hard feelings, ever. I still love you. I will choose you over anyone else, any day. The next time you cannot decide which book to start reading first or need some dark, sad songs or get your heart broken by some loser, I'll be here. I can bet the entire universe that your new best friend does not even know about Yume Nikki.

In case you change your mind.

I have pizzas and horror movies for you.

Cheers,

A friend.

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Hey ya'll! I forgot the last time I wrote something, ahaha, sorry. So here I am!

Nothing personal; I needed to write something, so here it is.

Also, we're so close to 1k?! Holy hell. Thank you so much.

Being a struggling writer who falls asleep a lot without finishing her writings, don't forget to vote and share! ^_^;

~R