Survival 101: With Vivian Bell

Chapter 16: Flash On Caffeine

I am strong, love is evil

It's a version of perversion that is only for the lucky people

Take your time and do with me what you will

I won't mind, you know I'm ill, you know I'm ill

-Hit Me Like A Man, The Pretty Reckless

Ever had one of those moments where you are packing your bag. You got everything sorted, the clothes, the shoes, the cosmetics, and the music but then you realize something is missing. You find out it's actually your iPod you forget to pack and you spend like an hour looking for it.

Well this situation is kinda like that; if my iPod indirectly tells me it doesn't want to leave and simultaneously crushes my heart and soul.

Now, Luna isn't a dog of many words but I think I know her better than anyone. So if there were any changes in her, I would notice.

Earlier that morning I sat in the grass, a new found fear had latched itself to my heart. Luna didn't want to leave; I could see it in the way she had gotten comfortable around people, people that weren't me. She adored the children, she was loved by all—how could she not be? Luna was the epitome of lovable.

She belonged here, more than I did and the thought of being the one to rip her away from a place that gave her comfort, food and shelter, made me the villain. Worst of all, knowing that she would actually be better off without me made me want to curl up into a fetal position and cry.

I couldn't afford to be depressed, hell with Luna if she wants to stay here. I can survive on my own, had she forgotten that I was the one who saved her? She couldn't do a damn thing without me.

"Vivian."

I was brought out of my irate thoughts by the sound of Rick's voice. I looked to find him standing beside me, staring down at me with blue eyes filled with concern.

"Hey." I greeted, trying to seem nonchalant. Luckily Rick didn't seem to notice any flaw in me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked as I got to my feet.

"I am feeling better, with all the tomatoes Maggie had been forcing down my throat."

"That's good." He mused, genuinely pleased. "I was wondering if you would like to go on a hunt."

A hunt, I didn't know why I didn't think of it before. It was the perfect opportunity. Me alone in the woods, the perfect getaway. I practically jumped at the opportunity and Rick nodded in agreement before strolling off to tend to his garden/farm.

This is just perfect; I don't need to act like I belong here. No more forced smiles or claustrophobia.

I hauled ass to tower and began to pack my bag, stuffing my clothes and knives and—Luna's belt, where is it? I remembered I had washed it a while back, I guess it was still on the clothing line. My first instinct was to go fetch it and then find Luna but then I stopped to think for a moment.

Do I take her with me? Suddenly the idea of being without her terrified me. My palms felt sweaty and my heart was racing—NO. I closed my eyes and took deep calming breaths. I need to get out of here, I can't just keep changing my mind each time someone depended on me. I learned that lesson from being unhappy most of my life because of my mother's needs. I have to survive; I am not ready to die.

Zipping up my bag I exited the tower. I am not going to lie, I wanted to say good bye to everyone but that would just make things harder and I was afraid I would want to stay.

"Vivian!" I halted at the sound of Carl's voice calling out to me; I had just passed the farm when I had heard him. I turned to find Carl running towards me with Luna at his heels, I watched, perplexed.