Everything Changes

Chapter 6: First Kiss

I slide down my bedroom door, letting the guilt overwhelm me. It clawed at my heart. Threatening to drag me into the darkest parts of my mind. I let the tears flow now that I am completely alone.

All that I can do is think of that night and 'what ifs' plagued my mind. What if I hadn't called him to come get me? Why did I have to be so selfish? He would still be here. I was feeling better. I shouldn't be the one who lived. I shouldn't be laughing and acting so carefree with Zack.

I felt disgusted with myself when I thought about what just happened with Zack. Acting all giddy about him. Yet my mom lost her other half. And here I was wondering if he had a crush on me? I shouldn't be living out my dreams and fantasies with Zack. Not when my father never got the chance to live out his life with his soulmate.

These dark thoughts haunted me. Reminding me that even when I feel some happiness, I don't deserve it. I remember he would tell me all that time that his biggest dream was to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. I took that dream away from him. I grabbed the closest blanket near me and screamed into it as the pain got worse. My sides hurt so bad from sobbing.

I continued to cry until there was nothing left. Until I was left gasping for air through quivering breaths. A knock sounded from the other side of the door. I ignored it, just laying there. Wish that I could just go to sleep for a little while. I clenched my jaw tight while fighting the urge to let out another scream.

Whoever was knocking on my door, continued to do so. I pulled myself off the ground, making my way over towards the mirror. My eyes were red and my face was blotchy. I couldn't do anything about that. I was embarrassed to open up my door. I didn't want them to see me crying again. They had only seen me cry a handful of times.

I also didn't want to ruin everyone else's day. With a big sigh and the realization that this would be the most presentable I'll be able to manage to look. I opened the door. Emma and Liam were standing there.

Liam had pity in his eyes. I hated it. "Hey, wanna talk about what happened back there." Emma said, trying to sound casual about it, like she was being careful. As if I was fragile. "I'm sorry. I panicked. It's just that he was so close to me and everything. I freaked and ran off." I was lying through my teeth and they both knew it. "He probably thinks I'm weird now or something." I said half-heartedly. My eyes not wanting to meet theirs.

"As if anyone could think that you are weird. Why don't we go back downstairs." Emma grabbed my hand. I looked up at her for a split second. Her eyes were slightly glossy, as if she wanted to cry herself. Liam just gave me a reassuring nod.

We reach the living room. My brother's voice echoed loudly through the room. "Yeah, that sounds pretty awesome. This weekend? We will be there for sure." Zack was sitting on the couch with a soda in his hand, starting off into space.

"We just got invited to Chris' house tomorrow. He's throwing a party." My brother taps Zack on the arm. "You in?" Zack nods as Andrew turns his attention to me. "What about you sis? Want to join us?" Cause that sounds fun. "Not particularly. You know that parties aren't really my-" Emma slapped her hand over my mouth. "We will be there."

Andrew had a sinister grin on his face. "Oh, that's right, Chris said no one with the name 'Emma' is welcome. Super strange. Something about them being lame." He then gave her a half-smile, letting her know he was teasing.

She winked at him. "Is that so? So how come he wanted you there?" How did she do that so effortlessly? She didn't blush or have a mini panic attack like me. She just gave him the same energy back, as she does every time.

"Wait, what if I don't want to go?" Emma raised her brow at me. "I'm sorry but you don't have a choice in that matter." I rolled my eyes at her and went to sit on the opposite end of the couch from Zack. He looked at me and smiled. I glanced down quickly. Unable to meet his gaze.