Today they gave us sheets to fill out on what our future goals were. I came up blank. The options looked unsavory and I felt a pang in my heart. I have absolutely no clue what I should do in the future. Honestly I didn't think I would make it till here after what happened freshman year. I wanted to kill myself and of course I couldn't even succeed doing that. I'm a coward. The only good thing going on right now in my life is my sweet lover Clement. He's the light of my life. Depressing thoughts don't eat at me when I'm with him. I forget time and my worthless self when I'm with him. I believed and still believe he deserves someone better but for him I am striving to be that better.
Today I don't know what I want for my future but I'm sure tomorrow I'll think of something. I'm sure I will.
Clement is coming over again. The silly boy can't seem to fall sleep if it's not by my side. At least that's what he told me. He makes me so happy.
Dad is still not home and Mom thinks it's for the better. She says he's gone forever. I don't know if that's the case. Nightmares don't just disappear. They're a part of your subconscious and they come back. I know he's not gone forever. I just have a feeling, a tingle in my spine saying he's not gone yet. It also might be the fact that I don't want him to be gone forever. I don't know if I'm a masochist or just plain twisted but I still love my father. He has put us through so much but I still love him. He's my father.
My mother seems happier but I'm so sorry Mom. I just want us to go back to how we were before but I know it's not something that will happen. Mom gave him a second chance when she didn't leave. I gave him a second chance because I know everyone deserves a second chance. But Dad never accepted it. He beat himself over it and soon his anger twisted him and his rage was soon upon us. The first time he hit me was when I tried to stand up for my Mom. The fight was getting nasty and my father was getting more aggressive. I knew I had to step in for if I hadn't my mother would have probably taken the beating I got. It didn't stop him from hitting her few times when she tried to stop him. I was only fourteen. I couldn't have done much. I'm still sorry I couldn't save my mother from the brunt.
Clement's here. I can hear him talking to my mother.
• Vic out •
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Translucère
Short Storytranclucère [ latin ] | trans-lu-cre | » to shine through » // translucent // not completely clear or transparent but clear enough for light to pass through *happens when incandescent badboy meets hapless poet* poetry/not poetry which has turned in...
