The Guilt That Lies Within

Chapter Five

I sat motionless on my bed, as I awaited Landon's return. The way he trampled through the door, left me paralyzed. My fingers trembled as I slowly reached for my cellphone and swept across the screen. He had yet to answer any of my calls or texts; where could he be?

A tear trickled its way down my cheek as I threw my phone against the bed. I couldn't let him fall into the dark hole, of addiction, again. Landon rarely got angry; unless need be, to protect either him or myself. The last time I saw Landon that enraged, he and I were both in the midst of a troublesome period.

*flashback*

"Do you know where Landon is," I timidly asked my boyfriend, Carter, while I looked around the crowded party.

He scoffed, "why do you even where that good for nothing piece of shit is," the alcohol on his breath was apparent.

"He's just my friend," I softly mumbled, my eyes never left my shoes.

"What did you say, bitch," he forcefully grabbed my wrist before he dragged me towards the back shed, "I thought I told you not to talk back!"

"I.... I'm sorry," my voice shook.

"I guess I have to teach you again," a devilish smirk covered his face as he pulled at the button on my denim jeans.

"No! Please no, not again," I begged while tears streamed down my pale face.

Slap. "You can't say no to me," punch. "I can do whatever I want," kick.

My body went numb. I couldn't feel anything, couldn't see or hear anything. It felt like I was dead. How could I have let this happen again? Stupid. I was so stupid. It is my fault that this was happening. Ugly. Fat. Bitch. Worthless. Weak.

"Woah, guys sorry, didn't know you were in-.... Spencer?"

Landon.... Help.... I couldn't seem to get the words out. I vaguely felt Carter being pulled off me. I turned my head towards Landon and Carter; Landon was pounding on Carters face. The blood that sprayed from his face was similar to the liquid dripping from mine. My vision became blurry as I felt ill in the pit of my stomach.

"Spencer? Spencer can you hear me," Landons voice rang in my ears, "I won't leave you, ever, I promise."

*end of flashback*

The disturbed memories were disrupted by the sound of a door that was slammed against its frame.

"Where the fuck have you been," I yelled as I ripped my bedroom door open, "you selfish asshole! What were you thinking, leaving the way you did, disappearing, not answering my texts! What happened to your hand?"

"Nothing," he softly slurred as he stood in front of me, head bowed down in shame, letting me hit his chest and arms while I screamed.

"Are you drunk?"

"I... yes," he said clearly disappointed in himself.

I sighed as I grabbed his wrist and led him towards the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the tub while I grabbed peroxide and gauze to clean his knuckles. We sat there for what felt like forever with just the sound of Landon wincing every other second as I roughly dabbed his hands. I stopped momentarily, "what happened? Where did you go?"

His dark, olive eyes began to tear up as his jaw clenched in attempts to hide the emotion, "I took care of it,"

"Took care of what? What does that mean," I asked confused.

"Don't look into it Spencer. He won't bother you again, I made sure of it," his eyes glared daggers at his knuckles.

Cautiously, I grabbed both sides of his face, forcing him to look into my eyes, "Landon, what did you do?"

"He's alive, if that's what you mean," he replied coldly, breaking my gaze.

"Alright," I sighed, "I'm gonna go get you some ice for your hand."

I let out a big breath, which I didn't know I was holding in, as I shut the door behind me. I understood why Landon was pestered at the thought of someone stalking me. However, he would physically harm someone unless he had reason. What was his reason? I don't know anyone named Zachary. I quickly found myself in a problematic situation; do I listen to my best friend, the man that has helped me get through hell and back, or do I let my curiosity get the best of me and search for this unknown man? Stumped, I pulled open the freezer door and grabbed the blue ice pack. It wouldn't hurt to look, at least to try, right?

I walked back to the bathroom, tossing the ice pack at Landon from the door, "can I use your computer?"

"Yeah," he replied confused, "it's on my desk."

•••

I threw my hands in the air in frustration. How could there be this many Zachary's in Toronto? I couldn't figure out a way to shorten the list; there was not much information to go on. I knew that he probably hired that man to follow me. Maybe they were friends? Brothers? The man was rather well dressed and attractive, meaning he's probably in the middle to upper class of society. I felt rather hypocritical, judging this person solely based on his appearance, but I didn't have a lot to go on. My brain tried to scramble all these pieces together like a puzzle. I erased 'Zachary' from the google search bar and entered 'Zachary private investigator'. Nothing. Perhaps he was a lawyer; I thought back to when Landon needed a lawyer for the Carter situation. My fingers clicked on the keys as I typed 'Zachary lawyer'. I slowly scrolled down the page, scanning each link as they popped up. My eyes suddenly stopped on a tabloid article titled 'Lawyer, Lucas Nolan, saves the day for pediatric specialist, Zachary Stefano'. After I clicked on the link, an image appeared with two man shaking hands. I immediately recognized the man on the left; it was the man that followed me. I could remember his ocean blue eyes, dark clean cut hair and chiselled jaw anywhere. The lawyer, whose name I've learned was Lucas, stood next to a jaw dropping human-being. I felt as if he was staring into my soul, opening my deepest, darkest secrets for the world to see. His crystal eyes put Lucas's to shame; along with his, perfectly placed, chocolate hair and sculpted, athletic figure. He was nothing short of remarkable. I imagined him smiling at me like that, staring into my eyes, as if I was the only one in the room. Wait, what? No! You can't trust men. After looking at Landon's knuckles, I knew Zachary's face probably did not look that perfect right now. I needed to go see him, as I tried to convince myself it was only to apologize for Landon's behaviour.

Landon was laying on his bed with his eyes closed, "here's your computer. I'll be back," I tried to keep the conversation as short as possible.

"You're not going out," he said without opening his eyes.

Disgust covered my face, "excuse me? You're in absolutely no position to tell me what to do right now! The only reason I'm telling you is so you don't go out beating people up... Oh wait too fucking late for that right."

His quickly sat up disappointment clearly on his face, "you're right, I'm sorry. Please text me when you get where you're going....Please."

"I will, please stay here, don't come looking for me. I'll be home in a couple hours," I walked over and kissed his forehead, before turning towards the door. I didn't know why I felt anxious to confront Zachary. I was only going to apologize for Landon; something I've had plenty of experience doing. This time, however, felt different.