The reason I walk in the light

Chapter #6 Day

I watch June until I see her breathing even out. Now I know she has fallen asleep. I get up, quietly, to go back to my apartment. I'm almost out of her room when I trip over something.

I kneel down to take it out of the way, but the titles caught my eye. There was like 3 journals and they all said my name with an x through it on the cover.

I picked them up and walked out of her room. I skimmed through the first few pages of the books and I understood what they were. June had wrote down everything about our relationship 10 years ago, her thoughts and feelings. This held all the memories I had lost.

Not knowing how to process all of this information, I ran out of her apartment on Batalla sector and I didn't stop until I reached my old house in Lake sector. The house seemed to be in very good condition. The big x that was once spray painted on the door is gone, and the windows are opened. It almost looks brand new.

I didn't care if anybody lived in the house, I just barged in through the back door. I looked around on the inside. Everything looked exactly the same. I went into my parents room and just started crying. Seeing this house brought back so many memories, memories that are long gone.

Some time has gone by since I got here and there were no more tears on my face. I straightened up and started reading the journals in the order I thought they went in.

Here goes nothing.

Day doesn't remeber me. He just woke up from a coma that he was in for months, and he doesn't remember me. The doctors said he forgot mostly everything that happened in the last two years, including me. They also said that with some time and therapy, he might remember. Key word, might.

I kept on reading that journal until the last page. It didn't say anything about our relationship in the past, only what happened after I got out of a coma. She was heartbroken and miserable. I felt so bad, but at the same time mad. Why did she leave me? Why did she let me go?

And so I started reading the next one

It's been exactly a year since Day left to Antarctica and I've barely managed. I've been going through depression and I had thoughts about killing myself. The only thing that kept me going is the fact that Day might remember me. Tess has been updating me on him because they talked at least once a week. A part of me doesn't want him to remember me. I caused him so much pain, I broke him. He hated me. And I understand why, and I should be thankful that those memories were all wiped off of his mind. But I can't. I want him, I miss him. I know I led Commander Jameson to Day's house. I was the reason his mom was shot and killed.

What? June couldn't. She wouldn't kill my mom. I felt anger rise in me but I kept on reading

It was my fault, all mine. If I had known that Thomas would've shot his mom, I wouldn't have ever led them to his house. But I did. And I hate myself for that. And then there's John too. He sacrificed himself for Day and I. He died because I failed to save both of them. I won't ever stop blaming myself for what I did. I wish I could take everything back everyday and fall in love like normal people. Once Day had wished that and now I understand why. But I don't deserve Day. He needs someone who could treat him better. He said it himself before he went into a coma. Every time he looked into my eyes, all I could see was grief towards his lost mom and brother and anger towards me. But then he forgot. He just forgot, and at some point I was thankful. But he also forgot me. And I have to live with that. But I will never forget you, Day. And you, only you, is the sole reason I walk in the light.

At this point I was crying uncontrollably. It wasn't her fault was all I could think about. John made his choice, and Thomas shot my mom not June. This is the reason she never came back for me.

The book started describing our relationship in depth. Going from how Kaede stabbed June in the skiz fight, to our first kiss. I didn't have to read too much to start remembering everything on my own.

I got to the part where June wrote about how I carried her in the underground tunnel for days upon days because she was too sick to walk. And that triggered my memory.

With a thousand thoughts going through my mind I picked up the last journal and with shaky hands started reading it. The last one was all about our possible outcomes, from my perspective and June's. Some were bittersweet but they all had a happy ending, nevertheless.

I lost memories
She had water in her eyes
She cried stay with me
How could this be love if you are leaving me
But darling loves to blame.
(a/n: This is part of a song by for king and country called loves to blame, I just wanted to use it in the story. I also changed up a few words so they would be more fitting for the story.)

This one was in my perspective, and it was short and simple. But it made me want to run right back to June, grab her into my arms and never let her go. Never let her down.

I gathered my emotions, thinking of all the things I would say to her. There's a lot of options, and I don't know which one to choose. But ones for sure. I will never let her go, or stop loving her. She is the hole in my heart. And only she can make me full again. She is the reason I will walk in the light.

I call Tess and tell her about everything. I also tell her to notify June that I'm coming back to her. She might think I left her again because of last night.

I grab my stuff and start running back to June, back into her arms. I'm probably leaving fire tracks behind me because of my supersonic speed.

I almost reach her house when I hear a gunshot. And then another. The first bullet hits me faster then I can process it to jump out of the way. But it hits the prosthetic part of my left leg and I don't feel any pain. The second one hits my right leg. I let out a scream, more from shock then the pain and stumble out of the way. Gradually the searing pain in my right leg is unbearable but I still try and stay strong. Who am I to scream from one little bullet.