Josh.

10

Joshs POV

It has been days. I have been distracting myself. Doing everything i can to keep my mind away from him. I've tried. So hard. And I just can't get him out. Maybe I should go.. go away.. away from this world. Look at the things I have done to people. I can barely choke the words up.

"L-Look at the thi-ings i-ive d-d-done t-to t-ty-tyler."

I start to sob. He.. he reminded me of James and I loved him for that.. i-i forced him into a relationship.. h-he probably never loved me. He was just scared of what I'd do to him. I need to do this. But it's more complicated than that.. i need to make it so he gets the kittens but not in any way related to me.. he can't. I won't let him..
I'll get dylan to say he found the kittens and thought tyler would like them.. just something like that. He can't know about me or what I've done to him. I need him to be happy. But i can't tell Dylan either. Not anyone. Not anyone at all.

I grab my phone and dial dylans number in. Time to be happy again. He finally picks up the phone.

"Hey Dylan! Do you think you could come get the kittens and give them to tyler? I want him to have them."

"Sure. May I ask why you sound so happy?"

"I just woke up in a good mood, i guess."

"Well that's good. I'll see you later."

"See ya."
I hang up. Everything is going good. I need to write my letters. Thanking everyone for all they did. But i don't know about Tyler. Do I write a note for him or not? I grab my journal.

|Dylan, thank you for everything you did for me. You helped me in ways I can't even explain. While I was alive, I was happy. And I still am now. I don't want you to be sad, either. I want you to be happy. I am no longer in pain. I will miss you. I love you.

Till we meet again.
     -Josh|

Come to think of it, he was all I really had other than
t-tyler.. but i don't know if i can write to tyler.. i don't want him to remember me or what i did. Suddenly the doornob twists and i quickly hide the paper under the couch.

He sees.

"What's that"

"A shopping list"

"You sure?"

"I promise."
He shakes his head and picks up the kittens. He sets them in a box.

"See ya josh."

"Bye dyl. And thanks for doing this for me. I love you."

"Love you too. Anything for a friend."
He walks out. Time to write to Tyler. I grab my journal.

|Tyler,

I'm sorry for writing this. I just wanted you to know how much i love you. You probably won't remember me but you were a very important part of my life. Thank you for all you did. You kept me going. I hope you are happy and live a good life. I don't really know how to sum it up but you made me feel really special and i love that. What am I saying? I loved you. I still do. I hope you have a nice day. Thank you for being there for me when i needed you.

-J.D|

It's time. I need to go. I hide the journal in my drawer and walk outside. Another cold, wet, day. I take my hoodie off, letting the rain hit me. It's what I deserve. I have to walk about a mile till I'll be there.. but I need to do this. I need to do it as soon as I can. I should have ended this long ago.