Clarity

December

The high school goes on a ski trip during winter break with the school. There's chaperons, and skiing all day, and bonding time with friends. 

Guess who convinced me to go? 

My mother. 

She's chaperoning, along with Greg, and William and Christina. It's going to be interesting. Noah's excited because he gets to see the Three Musketeers in action, instead of hearing all the stories. 

I'm expecting pranks from William, Greg and my mom, that is if my mom and Greg can put the past behind them and be grown ups. I've seen them pass in the halls, and they act like the other is invisible. It's entertaining to say the least, grown ups acting like children. 

I can't even talk about my art class around my mom, she gets this look on her face, and it makes me sad, so I don't bring it up. 

I'm on my way to the mountain, there's a charter bus and I am sitting by myself. The ski resort is almost a four hour drive. My mom doesn't even want to sit by me. 

What does that say? She's made friends with a lot of the teachers and parents chaperoning and they are far more interesting than her daughter. 

Noah is sitting with Kenzie, and his real friends. 

I'm the girl who lives next door, we don't talk much in public settings. Mostly because it's a group, and groups always make me nervous. 

I've also never been skiing or snowboarding before, so I don't know why am I going on this trip. There's people, and plenty of opportunities to look like an idiot in front of said people. 

We've been driving for about an hour, and I already want to go home. Everyone is in a fantastic mood because it's almost Christmas, and the annual ski trip has begun. 

I'm in a terrible mood, because it's almost Christmas and another reason to feel alienated and like a freak has begun. 

Another reason to be in love with Austin has surfaced too. He bakes Christmas cookies with his little sister and brother every year. All kinds of cookies, like fancy cookies. 

Why does he exist? Why is he so beautiful? No one thought about how putting a gorgeous boy in my life that I could never ever have because I'm not pretty, would affect me.

He talks to me though, I nod and smile still. I think he thinks we're friends. Being friends with Austin is a dream come true, but it will become a nightmare. 

I hate it. I hate every time he smiles, or looks at me, or talks, or walks, or breathes. It's torture, and the universe gets a kick out of torturing me. It is the universes entertainment. Let's see what can happen to Avery today, and laugh about how pathetic she is. 

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The universe thought it would be funny for Austin to plop down next to me while I was writing. Ya, the universe is quite the comedian. I saw someone standing in the aisle, and slowly looked up. My eyes met his face, and I quickly shut my journal.

"Can I sit next to you?" Austin asked. I managed a tight smile, trying not to say anything, because I was sure I'd say something idiotic. He plopped down in the seat before I gave him a real answer. I guess he is starting to know how I am, which is frightening. He had a container in his hand, and he put it on his lap.

"A little bird told me you've never been snowboarding or skiing," Austin said, leaning in closer to me, "I've been on the slopes since I was two, I can give you a few pointers if you want, maybe a lesson."