In a Tragedy of Love Loss

Chapter 31

A few days later, it had been exactly four months since Dylan and Jaycee broke up. Dylan was really excited about the baby. He was even working more hours, so he could help Jaycee take care of the baby. Jaycee, on the other hand, was really nervous about it, and she was seriously considering having an abortion or somehow causing herself to have a miscarriage. Dylan had been so busy working overtime, he forgot to tell Jaycee he wanted to be involved with her and the baby.

She was sitting on her bed, picking at her nail and the sleeves on her black hoodie. She was wearing black skinny jeans and a Sleeping with Sirens T-shirt under her hoodie. She had her Snow White's Poison Bite playlist playing as she stared into space. She was so deep in thought, she didn't even notice the music playing in the background. Her parents had been out of town for a week, and would be returning later that night.

She kept eyeing up the small black book on her desk that said her name in purple lettering. She was having a mental debate about writing in it. She had a million things she wanted to write about. One of them being about the baby. She hadn't told her parents about the baby yet. She was debating on waiting until they got back to tell him, or wait until she started showing.

She walked over to her desk, and began to write in her journal. She restarted the playlist and began writing. Tears filled her eyes as she was writing. Eventually, her tears spilled over her eyes lids, and started staining the pages.

Meanwhile, Dylan had just gotten home from working overtime at the restaurant. He kicked off his shoes, and plopped down on the couch next to Landen, who was playing video games. They say in silence for a few minutes before finally saying something.

"Why are you working more hours?"

"So I can save up enough money to support Jaycee and the baby."

"Have you told her you want to be involved with her and your little spawn yet?"

"Shit! I've been so busy working, I haven't had the chance to."

"You might want to do that now before she makes up her mind about what she wants to do."

"Yeah, you're probably right," he got up, and started walking towards the door.

"You might want to get a shower before you go over there, man," Landen shut off his game console and grabbed his keys. "You probably won't be able to get her back if you smell like shit. I'm going to Sapphire's. I'll be back later."

"Later, man," he left.

Dylan went to his room, and pulled a green T-shirt and jeans out of his dresser. He threw his clothes on his bed, and went to the bathroom to take a shower. He stripped his clothes, and hopped in, letting the water hit his bare flesh.

🎶

Jaycee was standing in her kitchen with a can of soda in her hands. She stopped writing in her journal to get something to drink. She figured she needed to get something to eat and drink since she was eating for two.

"It's okay, baby," she placed her hand on her flat belly. "It'll all be over soon," she finished her soda and went back up to her room. "It'll just be you and me. No one else will get between us. Not even Daddy. He doesn't want either of us. I'm not gonna let him get between us."

She pulled her hoodie off, and threw it on her bed. She pulled a marked out of her drawer, and wrote something on her stomach. She threw the marker in the drawer and continued writing.

I wish Dylan and I could get back together, and raise our baby as a family. I wish I could give our baby a life where he or she could has both their biological parents together, and we both love him or her. That's clearly not going to happen, and I honestly don't think I could take care of this baby on my own, nor do I want to. Especially when her father is right down the street. I can't get an abortion, and I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I caused myself to have a miscarriage. So the easiest way out is suicide. It's quick and easy, and I won't have to live with the guilt of killingly baby, or burdening Dylan with the responsibilities of being a father.

She finished writing the rest of the entry and closed her journal. She pulled her burial plans out of the drawer in the middle of her desk, and pinned down them to the bulletin board on her desk. She figured her parents would read it when they found her, and they'd read the last entry of her journal. That last entry she wrote was her suicide note. At least she wouldn't have to deal with the pressure of telling her parents she was pregnant because she put it in her note.

"You and I are gonna be a family, sweetheart. Daddy's gonna find another girl and marry her. They're gonna have kids and grow old together," her eyes teared up. "Daddy's gonna have the life we were gonna have with someone else, and we'd be the mistake he'd be carrying around for the rest of his life."

"In a Tragedy of Love Loss" played as she finished making her final arrangements. She was a mother, and she had to do what was best for her baby. She thinks this is the best thing for her baby.

"Thanks to you my heart's still bleeding cut the ribbon she's still breathing air through her lungs thanks to you my heart's still beating cut the ribbon she's still breathing air through her lungs," the music played throughout her room.

She hung her hoodie up in the back of her closet, and pushed everything to the sides. She grabbed a belt from her dresser, and hung it up in her closet. She heard Dylan call her name from outside her window. She was conflicted about answering him. Part of her was thinking he wanted to ask her to marry him, so they could raise their baby together and live happily ever after. The other part of her was telling her that he wanted to tell her they were never getting back together, and he wanted nothing to do with her and their baby. She went with what was more realistic.

"I love you, sweetheart," she put her hands on her belly, and her eyes reared up more. "And I love your father."

Tears escaped her eyes, and rolled down her face. She slipped her head through her belt. She started choking from the lack of oxygen she was getting. In a matter of minutes, Jaycee was dead, and so was her baby.

The baby would never get to grow up, get married and have a future of its own. Jaycee died with the baby inside her because she didn't have the heart to get an abortion or miscarry on purpose. She didn't want her baby to grow up knowing she was miserable because Dylan didn't want to be with her anymore and raise the baby with her. She didn't want her baby growing up  thinking they got back together for the baby's sake, and think it was a burden on him. She didn't want Dylan hating her because taking her back was the only way she would actually have the baby.

"Bleeding through her heart on Valentine's Day now the beautiful passion is never the same the gift was her heart you torn apart in a tragedy of love loss she'll be dead," the song finished playing as Dylan tried to get her attention that he'd never get again.

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Song for this chapter is In a Tragedy of Love Loss by Snow White's Poison Bite. Also the title song for this book.