One Sided Love

OSL-XIX

Jho's POV

"Hi..." sabi ko nung saktong naiwan kaming dalawa dun sa parking lot.

Nakatalikod siya sakin at hindi ko alam kung anong reaction niya, pero alam kong alam niyang ako yung nagsalita kasi bigla rin siyang napatigil.

"Bei, I'm sorry for what happened." sabi ko sa kanya, then finally humarap na siya. She's still the chill Bea na everyone knows, pero halata mong hindi siya komportable ngayon but hindi niya pinapahalata sakin ngayon yun.

"Forget it. Tara na sa kwarto ni Ju" sabi niya tapos lumakad na paalis.

I was so sure about her few months ago. I love her, I still do. But, something's holding me back. Hindi nagkulang si Bea sa pagpaparamdam niya sakin na mahal niya ko. Pero ako? I wasn't good enough for her.

I wanted to say yes to her but I feel like it'll be selfish of me. I wanted to find myself first. When I heard everything, mas lalong nadama ko yung pagmamahal ni Bea sakin that made me think, she deserves better.

*flashback*

"Love, where are you?" text niya sakin

"Class pa love." I replied.

I lied. I wanted to surprise her. Maagang nagpalabas yung prof namin kasi tapos na finals namin sa kanya. Unting reminder lang and nagpadismiss na siya. Paniguradong mag-isa lang yun sa dorm, kasi si Kim may klase pa yun, si Jia naman, Miguel day today. And, Bei, she'll not go anywhere kasi iintayin niya labas ko.

Nandito na ko sa dorm. I was about to open the door when I heard parang may kausap si Bea. Alam kong masama yung naiisip kong gawin pero di ko maiwasang di makinig.

".... It was my first heartbreak, and Jho really helped me to overcome that. And, Ju. You are that girl. I fell in love with you BUT that's past tense. I just wanted to have a clean start with Jho starting today and I want to be honest to the both of you. I am truly, madly, deeply in love with Jho right now and today will be the start of our forever. So, I wish that it will start of something new for me and Jho and we still remain friends."

I stood still there, dumbfounded.

May sinabi pa ata si Jia pero hindi ko na narinig. Tumakbo ako palayo. Crying. I don't know what to feel. So, damang-dama ko sincerity sa pagkakasabi ni Bea. Yes, nabanggit niya na sa akin yung first love niya pero sabi naman niya hindi naman na raw mahalaga yun kasi ako na raw ang present at future niya at hindi naman siya nagkulang sa pagpaparamdam nun sakin. Alam kong ako lang.

But, that courage she has telling Ju that she loved her. At yung pagkakasabi niya kung gaano nya ko kamahal. She looked so perfect that I can't hurt her. And that moment I started my doubt if I will be a good girlfriend for her.

Kasi nung mga nakaraang araw na hindi kami magkasama, I'm lost. I don't who am I anymore. Kapag magkasama kami napapansin niya na wala ako palaging gana at siya lang yung nagpapasaya palagi at di ko na nasusuklian yung pagmamahal niya.

Hindi ko alam kung saan na ako napadpad pero nung may tumawag sakin saka lang ako bumalik sa wisyo.

"Oh Jho, saan ang punta mo? Sabay ka na sakin." Ate Ly approached me.

Sumakay na ko sa kotse niya kahit hindi ko alam kung saan siya pupunta.

Nung tumigil kami. Parang kinakabahan na ko sa mga mangyayari. Parang hindi ako ready.

"Uhm.. Jho, una ka na. Park ko lang maayos to." sabi naman ni ate Ly.

Unconsciously, sinunod ko siya.