The way the turtle falls (TMNT fan fic)

Pain starts with M and end in E(Chapter 10)

Soo i keep getting these comments and votes...so maybe i should update...yeah umm ive hit 1k views on  a book i dont really care about too much and have lost some interest in buuut ill get some of these books done!! yeh so yeah sorry for the long wait for updates!!  ...

I was looking at the ceiling, blood drops speckled over it, I moaned slightly, the sickening feeling sinking in. It was my blood. Rahzar's cackle greeted me. 

"It's a beautiful sight." He laughed. I shook my head, I didn't want to move my head. Fear it might effect my wings.
 "Just get it over and done with." I moaned."
"What? And give you a peaceful day of rest?" The mutant mocked. I looked up. 
"Right, sorry." I mumbled. Rahzar nodded, he turned his back to me. My heart was slamming, I knew he was grabbing something. The sound of metal brushing against metal pierced my ears. What was he grabbing? I bit my lip, the tears were coming. 
"Mutant blood! Such a glorious site." Stockman walked into the room. I winced and grabbed my wrists. Stockman flew to me and rolled his eyes. 
"Please if I doesn't hurt tell us." He grinned. I didn't say anything.  

The needle was going in slowly. I didn't dare to look, I bit my lip in and sucked in a deep breath of water. Rahzar laughed and thumped a slap against my shell. I lurched forward and grunted. 

~

I was sitting in my bed when the flashback stopped. I reached to my face, to feel the tears rolling. 
"I hurts." I moaned and rocked myself. I breathed in deeply and pulled myself under my blankets. I looked around my room, the only light was the yellow dot of my laptop charging.  I tried to close my eyes, but all I could see was my blood running down the walls. I screamed out, I quickly stopped as the fear of my brothers bursting in rose to my mind. I winced and buried myself into my blanket. Everything hurt so much and I couldn't do a damn thing. 

~

When I woke up my stomach was stabbing in pain, I gritted my teeth and stumbled to the kitchen for breakfast. Mikey grinned when he looked at me. 
"D-man!" I cried out. He stepped towards me. I widened my eyes and stumbled backwards. Raph groaned. "Mikey! Leave Donnie alone." He growled and grabbed his shell.
"Bbbb..ut." Mikey drooped his head. Raph ignored his expression and kept glaring. I was grateful for Raph's act, but I refused to show it. I lowered my head and opened the fridge. Left over pizza, left over pizza, a bowel of rice. I  groaned and shut the fridge. 
"Anything else?" I asked, only looking at Leo.Leo frowned,. 
"Umm we have cereal or coffee?" He said. I smiled when he said coffee. Leo gave a weak smile back. "I'll make it...umm black or white??"
"Black, no sugar." I grunted back. Leo nodded and walked towards the coffee machine. While I was waiting I sat on the stool, my wings lowered themselves to the ground. I winced when they touched the ground. 

The coffee was good, warm and bitter. I hummed to myself and held the mug tightly. Leo walked into the kitchen.
"Training," He said calmly. Mikey groaned and laid over the table in annoyance. Thankfully I was holding my mug Leo rolled his eyes. "Michelangelo." He growled, Raph had already stood up and was walking to the dojo. He paused and turned around to me. 
"Ya comin'?" He asked me, ignoring Mikey's whines. I widened my eyes. 
"No." I said, a slight growl in my throat. Raph nodded. 
"Kay, see you later." He walked to Mikey, grabbing his foot and dragged him off the table to the dojo. Mikey screamed out.
"THAT HUURRTTS." Mikey cried out and kicked his free foot. Raph grunted.  I sighed and looked at my brothers, I dimly listened to Master Splinter scolding Raph for using such rash choices to take his brother to training. 

I breathed in deeply and put my mug on the table. I quickly un-wrapped the bandages off my wrist. Cuts, it was too easy to hide them as wounds I'd received from the Foot. Cuts seem to calm me, they almost soothed the pain. Besides I needed to pay... I sighed deeply and stared at them for what felt like awhile, but was probably only a few seconds. A thud. I jumped and covered the cuts again. 

My brothers would come home from patrol and complain about bruises and cuts they'd gotten from fights. They acted like they knew what pain meant. They treated pain like a stab or a bruise. Pain, Real pain was crying till you couldn't cry, screaming till your voice was hoarse. Pain meant laying in the darkness and blaming you for it. Pain meant everything was your fault, you knew this in your heart, every fiber in your bones. And because it was your fault. YOU needed to be punished. 

~

"Duuuude you look like you wanna kill somebody." Mikey walked into the kitchen. A blast of odor filled the room. I groaned and started to stand up to get out. Mikey paused.  "Is it me?' He asked, I frowned. 
"What?"
"Am I the person you were planning to kill?" He asked. I frowned deeper. 
"What?" I repeated. 
"Am I the one..." Mikey started. 
"I heard you!" I shouted. "Why the hell would you think that?" Mikey jumped back.
"Ugh because." He said, I rolled my eyes and started to walk out angrly. 

I sat on the floor of my room and sighed. I sighed I wasn't sorry of what I'd said to Mikey, he wasn't making any sense. I closed my eyes and started to change my bandages, wincing at the pain.  I stared at the cuts for a long time, feeling like I just regret it, but then again it WAS my fault I'd gotten captured. I pulled my wings in front of me. They would have been beautiful, had I made them, but they were a joke. I screwed up my face.  They were disgusted to me. I pulled them back over and finished with my bandages. I laid down on my bed and stared at the roof.  Maybe I should write more in my journal? I thought, I rolled my tongue in my  mouth thinking about it? Ah shell with it, might as well...

ok first things firsts: cutting IS NOT OK...seriously guys i just feel i should add this, i do not support it any way. Ive known people whove done it, friends and..its not...i have internet friends who've done it and it hurts me. to think what pain theyve been through to want to go towards self-harm...

ok so the serious parts done

umm yeah

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-Ninja out