[ shawn's POV ]
"said goodbye, turned around, & you were gone, gone, gone.."
i took a deep breath as i pulled up to the hospital. y/n was in a car accident last night after our argument we had. she took off while it was storming, and i couldn't help but worry about her all night.
i woke up this morning feeling like shit. my head was pounding, i couldn't sleep without y/n snuggled up against me.
less than an hour later, i got a call from her mother breaking the news to me. i instantly ran to my car and now, here i am in front of the hospital.
i walked up to the front desk.
"im looking for y/f/n (your full name)." i said quickly.
"room 218." she said and i started running towards the elevator.
i tapped my foot rapidly as i waited for the doors to open. when they did, i ran until i got to room 218.
i was about to open the door when i saw her through the window.
she was connected to all sorts of chords and machines, she had a cast around her left arm, her face had scratches all over, and she was asleep.
i felt my heart skip a beat as my eyes filled with tears.
i decided to knock instead of barging in.
her mom stood up and let me in.
"hi." she mumbled as she pulled me into a hug.
"how are you?" i asked as i hugged back.
"as good as i can be right now." she said and game me a half smile.
i nodded my head and sat in the chair right next to y/n.
"y/n.." i whispered as i examined her more closely.
i didn't realize it, but a few tears slipped down my face. seeing her this way breaks my heart into a million pieces. this is my fault. i let her leave last night.
but i didn't want her to.
"ill give you some time." her mom said and walked out of the room.
i let out a deep sigh and grabbed her good hand gently.
"i hate seeing you this way you know? stupid arguments." i said and let a small laugh with no humor in it.
"it's just kind of funny how much you mean to me. i dont know if i ever made it clear enough how much you mean to me. i dont think i'll ever be able to. i love you with everything in me, y/n. when i heard about your accident, i didn't know what to think. my head was spinning at 100 miles an hour."
"i cant help but to think this is my fault. i let you leave last night. i knew that storm was too much. i let you leave. but i don't think even if i tried to get you to stay you would. you are a woman of your word, if you tell me you're leaving, i best believe you are leaving. there is never anyone or anything holding you back."
"i hope you're ok, y/n. don't leave me, baby please. you still have so much life ahead of you. there's still so much i wanna tell you, do with you, so much more we have to experience with each other. we can't let that slip away." i said as more tears escaped my eyes.
she moved her hand a little and her eyes began to open up slightly.
"y/n?" i asked.
"shawn.." she mumbled.
i smiled and gently wrapped my arms around her.
"you're still here.." i cried.
"im still here.." she replied.
-
and that's when i woke up.
i rubbed my eyes and looked around me. the bright winter sun shining through my windows, the sound of the neighbor kids running around in the snow.
sounds perfect right?
just one thing missing.
usually y/n is right by my side. but, now she can't be.
the man upstairs decided it was her time two years ago today. i will never understand why he took her so soon. never.
but..
this is not where it ends, y/n. i'll see you again.
-
im crying.
