Phan One Shots

Tortoise Man.

i told him.

DONT. GO. GET. THAT. FUCKING. TURTLE.

and you know what he says to me right before he jumps out of the car IN THE MIDDLE OF A THROUGHWAY to save a creature that looks so old it probably only has 2 days to live anyways?

HE TELLS ME THAT ITS NOT A TURTLE, ITS A TORTOISE.

cars screech, horns honk, and phil screams like a madman as he runs to the small creature taking its precious time crossing the road.

phil begins stumbling passed the cars that are moving faster than the speed of light, and i knew what i had to do in that moment.

i sighed and emerged from the car, screaming a few "sorrys" and "he's an idiot"s as i began to reach my destination.

i grabbed phil's hand and pulled him off the throughway, kicking the tortoise out of the way in the process.

the creature hid in its shell before it hit the ground. nobody was hurt, THANKFULLY, and the tortoise emerged from its shell and began crawling away like nothing happened.

i sighed and helped phil up, bringing him back to our car before the rest of the cars began to move.

i'm not going to say that phil got yelled at like a toddler, but he did.

and that's the story of how phil and i almost got killed by a FUCKING TORTOISE.