The Love That Can't Be

Merlin 1

Since the first time I saw Morgana, I fell in love with her. Her personality, her beauty, her courage, her everything. Of course I've never said anything because we were from different worlds; hers being the ward of the king, or in other words, a part of royalty. I'm just the servant boy who became her friend and nothing more. It's not like anything would happen if I were to say something. She was meant to be with someone of nobility, not a serving boy. Some days, Guinevere, Morgana's servant and friend, would tell me how in love I was, but I would always deny it. She doesn't seem to believe me though. I couldn't blame her. I'm thinking of Morgana while I blow out candles in Gaius' and my chamber. I mean, she had a rough day today. She's confused with this power she thinks she might have. I overheard her and Gaius' conversation earlier which caused me to argue with Gaius for not helping her. My thoughts were startled when Morgana burst in the door.

"Is Gaius here?" She asked marching towards me. She looked terrified.

"Uhh," speak, Merlin, "no, he's not here at the moment. Should be back soon, though."

"I need to speak to him," she quickly stated, "Where is he?" She stopped in front of me and the light caught her face. She had been crying. I was nervous because I didn't know what to say in this situation.

"Uh, he gone to see the king," I replied. There was a moment of silence before I asked, "What's wrong?" She tried to say something, but she was too afraid. "You can trust me, Morgana. You know you can." I reassured her.

"I'm scared, Merlin," she muttered, "I don't understand anything anymore. I need to know what's happening. Please?"

"Gaius will be back soon. He'll be able to help you," I told her, but she shook her head.

"He won't. I don't want anymore remedies. They won't do any good," she rushed taking a step closer. There was a moment of silence as we stared at each other. She hesitated before whispering, "Its magic, Merlin."

"What?"

"I'm your friend. You know I wouldn't make this up," she explained to me.

"Of course," I nodded.

"Then, you believe me?" I wanted to say yes, but Gaius told me not to get involved. He said I couldn't tell her about my magic, so I stayed silent. "You think it's magic, too! Please, Merlin. I just need to hear someone say it, so I don't have to keep feeling like I'm imagining it." I hesitated. I shouldn't be put in this situation. It wasn't fair. The one woman I really care about is standing in front of me asking for help, but I was ordered not to. I felt the lump in my throat just like Morgana. We were so much alike, but I can't help.

"I really wish there was something I could say," I told her. She looked at me like I had stabbed her. She stepped back and turned towards the door. She rushed towards the door as I called for her. She slammed the door on her way out.

So, after no help from the great dragon, Arthur teasing me about giving Morgana flowers, and seeking out help from a Druid girl, I didn't know what to do about Morgana, but to go see her. I pretended like Gaius had sent me with a remedy to calm Morgana down. I wasn't planning on giving it to her, but it was an excuse to talk to her. I wasn't able to help her with my Druid plan, but I can still come clean to her. I don't care what Gaius or Kilgharrah say. I have to help her in some way. So, I knocked on the door.

She opened the door slowly, and I walked in. I told her that Gaius wanted me to deliver the remedy, and just as I suspected, she turned it down. I didn't know what to say. Should I even be here?

"Merlin," I looked at her, "ignore what I said last night. I had a nightmare. I was upset," She cried.

"I know. I haven't said anything to anyone," I explained. We stared at each other for a few moments until she broke down.

"I'm sorry. It's usually Gwen that has to deal with me when I'm like this," she explained as she walked away from me. I watched her.

"I don't mind," I said truthfully, "maybe I could help?"

"I doubt that," she replied with a hurtful hint in her voice.

"You'd be surprised," I said as I began closing her door. She turned towards me , and I took a deep breath. "I understand. I realize how frightening this might all be for you especially for you."

"Why especially for me?" She asked.

"You're the kings ward. You know his hate for magic better than anyone," I explained.

"That's what you think is happening to me? The dreams, the fire, you think it was magic!" She yelled in disbelief. I hesitated before replying.

"Yes, it is. Morgana, you have to know that it's okay to have magic. You don't have to be scared. Not all magic is bad like Uther believes. It can be truly amazing and beautiful when rightly used." I explained to her.

"How do you know this?" She asked me.

"Because... I have magic just like you," I told her. A tear fell down her cheek as she stared in disbelief. "I didn't choose to have magic just like you didn't. We were born of it. Magic chose us."

"How long did you know you've had magic?" She asked me.

"For as long as I can remember," I told her, "Some times it will happen in later years and other times it happens during childhood."

"So, you've lied this whole time?" She asked.

"No one wants to be executed. If anyone found out-"

"Uther would have your head. I understand," she chuckled, "of course now I understand the difficulty of the secret. I'm just like you."

"So, no more remedies?" I asked. She smiled and shook her head. I placed it down behind her on the table. "Morgana, I will help you learn how to control your powers if you promise to keep this secret between us."

"I promise! Of course I promise!" She hugged me. "Thank you, Merlin." She whispered in my ear. She pulled away and looked in my eyes smiling. "For your help and the flowers."