The Love That Can't Be

Merlin 3

It hasn't even been a day gone by since our separation, and I'm already thinking about Morgana for the third time. When I think back to our argument, all I see is her beautiful face filled with sorrow. The way her lips pouted and her eyes shined a bright green ripped at my heart as I walked away from her.  It had surprised me to learn how she felt towards me, but I just had to turn her down. If things were different, it would be so much easier to be with her. But seeing as she was a Lady of the court, there was no chance between us. I thought five days would be good for the both of us, but it only stirs more questions in my head.

Arthur had given me a large load of chores to do today, but I'm not in the right head space. He's noticed as well. He glares at me from his desk as I trip over one of his pillows for the fifth time in under three minutes. Annoyed, I quickly pick up the pillow and place it on the bed. I decided to gather all Arthur's clothes before going back to making his bed. I refused to look up to meet the princes gaze as my mind reeled around in circles. I heard him call me, but it didn't process in my head until he was stood in my path and I almost bumped into him.

"Merlin, what is wrong with you today?" Arthur exclaimed. "I've had to watch you run around this room like something was chasing you for the past fifteen minutes! You're tripping over things, not paying any attention to anything around you, ignoring me. Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm fine. You just gave me a lot of things to do today," was my only response. Arthur raised one of his eyebrows in thought. Then, he looked confused.

"It's not a lot. It's the normal chores I give you every other day," he replied.

"Well, Sire, if you don't mind, I'd like to get back to my job and finish those chores," and with that I was making his bed. Arthur stares at me for a few more seconds before heading back to his breakfast. I'm almost done with the bed when there was a knock on the door. I knew this knock all too well. Arthur allowed the knocker to come in and in walked the Lady Morgana. I kept my head low as I tried to finish as quickly as possible. Morgana closed the door and walked towards Arthur.

"Ah, Morgana. What can I do for you?" Arthur asked with a big smile on his face. Morgana smiled back before glancing towards me. I turned away quickly before she saw that I was looking. I noticed she was wearing a new dress today. This one was blue and showed off her curves perfectly. It had a fancy, yet soothing fabric sewn as the skirt and top. Her sleeves covered her arms in a delicate pattern with a touch of silver thread. I had to shake my head to get the images of her out of my head. I knew what she was trying to do, and I was not going to just sit here and take the bait.

"Nothing really. I was just wondering how everything is going," she responded. "I haven't seen you in a while." She kept taking subtle glances at me, but I would not meet her eyes.

Arthur nodded, "Well, I'm a bit busy at the moment, but I'm sure I can take some time off to catch up with you." Morgana smiled. I decided it was a good time to actually leave to finish the rest of my chores. I picked up the laundry I gathered and headed for the door. "Oh, Merlin," Arthur called out, "don't forget to muck out the stables."

"Yes, Sire," I muttered before walking out. Who did Morgana think she is? I told her we had to stay away for a few days. Why does that stubborn girl never listen? I take a deep breath now that I wasn't in the same room as her. I made my way to the laundry room to continue my chores with a head filled with thoughts.

Later in the day, I was standing in the stables with a shovel. I questioned myself on the fact that shouldn't the stable boy be doing this and not me? I huffed and groaned as I shoveled another pile.

"Sounds like you're having fun in here," someone said behind me. I turned around to find none other the the Lady Morgana.

"Morgana," I huffed. I rubbed my eyes violently. "What are you doing here?"

She stepped in closer. "I wanted to talk to you," she replied. "I needed to talk to you."

"There's nothing to talk about. We agreed on five days apart. Then, our lessons will begin again," I explained to her before going back to work.

She stopped in her tracks and stared at me in anger. "No, you agreed on five days. I can't wait that long, Merlin. Put feelings aside, I still need help with my magic."

"That's right, Morgana. Put feelings aside. That's what needs to happen and five days will help with that. Then, we'll be able to focus on controlling your powers," I clarified. Morgana continued to step forward again.

"What if I don't want to put my feelings aside? What if I want to embrace them the same way I embrace my magic?" She asked slowly. "What would happen if we embrace our feelings together?"

She was now face to face with me. Our bodies were barely touching. Her hand made its way to my cheek. Unknowingly, I leaned into her touch. Her fingers glided down to the back of my head, and she began to caress my hair. Soon enough, my hand tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and gently made its way down her neck. Her touch was electric to my fingers. I didn't want to stop. I didn't want this moment to end. I wanted her. Needed her. But I knew right from wrong.

So, I pulled away.

"We can't," I whispered. The plump lips I so desperately want to kiss turned into a frown. Her fingers stopped stroking my hair and were removed from my neck.

"You won't even try," Morgana whispered. Tears were now filling her eyes. She walked away from me to let them fall. I couldn't do anything but watch her back as she wiped feverishly at her face. "I guess I'll see you in five days."

She left the stables quickly. I barely had time to say anything else. My heart shattered right then and there. I let her go. I did nothing to stop her. My head told me that it's for the best, but my stomach twisted in knots, and I felt sick.

The five days came and gone very slowly. All I could think about was that gorgeous young lady and that moment in the stables. Throughout the days, I would find myself walking towards her or in the same room as her. Sometimes we'd catch each other's eyes. Either way, we'd always end up making a quick exit. So, by the time the five days was up, I was both relieved and nervous.

I never wanted our friendship to change from how it was. We had a pretty good relationship going for us, but now it's like looking at someone I used to know. We can't even glance at each other without having a panic attack. I just miss the old Morgana I knew. I was glad that things could go back to normal starting with our daily lessons. Then again, what if they don't?

As I made my way out of the castle, I began to wonder if she would even meet me. So many questions filled my head. Despite everything that happened, I can't live without having Morgana in my life. She makes my world a little more interesting. After running around for Arthur and my 'destiny' all the time, I need a little breath of fresh air and that's exactly what Morgana is. She makes everything better with her smile and those bright eyes. The way everything just lights up when she walks into a room and the conversations you can have with her just cheers up your day.

I could go on and on about that woman, but I'll only find myself falling more in love. My heart has already started to beat harder as I think about her. My stomach does flips of excitement as I draw closer to our spot. Then, I see her standing there in here usual training ensemble. She stares back at me as well. What can she be thinking right now? I could only imagine.

Next thing I know, she smiles at me. It's a small one, but I know what it means. We're okay. Everything will be okay.

Now, I don't know if it's her smile or the fact that she's able to forgive me out of the goodness of her heart for being rude to her. Maybe it's due to the past five days we've been apart. I'm not completely sure. But in that exact moment, my heart skipped a beat.