ex

eighteen.

jimin;

three days had passed since jihoon visited my office. the hyung talked to me about my situation and it kept on bugging me every single time.

after jihoon left, tae and jungkook also left telling that they have to go somewhere.

that's why i was left with the hyungs.

"park jimin, what did you do?" namjoon hyung asked me but i just stayed silent.

"me and jungkook was the one who helped yoonji to escape that night." i looked at hoseok hyung. "we saw how angry she was that night but you didn't talked. heck you didn't even stopped her from leaving."

"what is wrong with you, park jimin." jin hyung said.

"you are making the same mistake again." yoongi hyung said, "the both of you are our friends, you're our brother but please stop this if you're just gonna leave her again."

i looked away at them and took a deep breath.

"i don't know, hyung.." i said.

i don't why i did that. i don't know why i pushed her.

"that's bullshit!" yoongi hyung shouted. "how can you not know that you're hurting the person you love!"

"yoongi." the eldest hyung said.

"fine." i said. "i'm scared, okay. i don't know why but im scared." there i said it.

"what are you scared of?" hoseok hyung asked.

"im scared of hurting. that's why i broke up with her in the first place." i said. "the moment i realize that i really truly love her, i became scared. i thought that if i fall for her harder, the the harder that i will get hurt when shit happens." i looked away at them, "that's why i stopped it. i ended everything between us. that time mom and dad is having a problem. i saw me and yoonji in them so when they argued so much to the point they almost got divorced, i thought that i don't want me and yoonji to reach to the point like that. that's why i end it."

"i don't get it." hoseok hyung replied. i just smiled bitterly at him.

"you know, you think too much." namjoon hyung said. "when you love someone you just need to enjoy every moments. you don't need to think about the future,– well maybe you need some other time. but you don't need to be paranoid."

"every relationship has up and down. there is no such thing as perfect relationship." jin hyung said. "believe me, me and my wife had a fight sometimes even we are married."

"if you are just scared bcs you will hurt her in the future and she can hurt you also, then don't love anyone. bcs you don't deserve her love if you will always keep on thinking about hurting her and not thinking the happiness and joy that you can have and feel when you're with her." yoongi hyung said.

the happiness and joy i can have when im with her, huh.

i cleared that thought in my head and went home 3 hours early.

i came into the house and saw my mom at the kitchen baking something.

"son!" she said when she saw me approaching her.

she kissed my cheeks and i went to the high chair as i sat there and watch her move.

"you're quite early today," she said.

"i just don't feel working today." i replied.

the oven dinged. she opened it and i saw freshly baked cookies.

"oh by the way, i called your friends to have dinner with us. i miss those boys," she said. "also taehyung told me that yoonji is your new partner."

taehyung you little shit.

"yes, mom." i replied.

"so im guessing she's with you when you went to the island."

"yes, mom."

"how is she?" she excitedly asked. "does she have a family now? is she still beautiful like before?"

"she is." i replied.

she looked at me like she knows something that i don't.

"something happened."

"nothing happened, mom–"

"it's not a question, it's a statement." she said.

i looked at her and cleared my throat.

"can i ask you something, mom?" she hummed in reply while arranging the cookies.

"why you and dad almost got a divorce?"

she stopped what she was doing, "that was the biggest fight me and your dad had. we didn't fight bcs there's a third party or anything. we fought bcs i felt i was alone. i can't feel the presence of your dad. he's always busy bcs of work." she looked at me. "and you know bcs im a woman i always want to feel loved. and that time i can't feel it that's why im made. asking him for a divorce was the biggest mistake i made, im just happy your dad didn't gave up on me." she smiled like she remembered something, "that's when i found out that your dad is not a very sweet person. i know that before but he still bring me flowers and stuff and i realize that he's working for me, for us so i tried to understand him."

"that's the only reason, mom?" she nodded her head.

"i'm scared." i said.

"scared of what?"

"of loving too much."

"when did that became scary?" she asked. "loving someone is the most beautiful feeling ever."

i stayed silent, sorting my feelings out.

"if you are scared of loving yoonji again then you cannot love someone." she said.

and now i know what i want.

a/n is it confusing? okay it's like this. jimin is scared of loving too much bcs he feels it will hurt him too much too. did you get it or still confused? lol sorry. im also confused i don't know what im writing