The rantings of a teenage girl

Anxiety

Why not start at the top of my list?
My anxiety has sadly gotten to the point where it controls my entire life. If I feel anxious I cannot get myself to do anything.

I recently quit my job that I loved for a better paying one. I went for one day and the anxiety overtook me. I couldn't get myself to go back.

Crying in my parents arms they helped me realize, I don't need a better paying job. I need to be happy. They also told me that I shouldn't be ashamed or humiliated for not going back. But I am.

All my life I have been praised for being a hard worker. And I am proud of that. So leaving a job after one day was not like me. Like I said this anxiety controls me.

Another example, my trip to China. I worked so hard to make this trip a reality. 2017 study abroad to china. I get there and have s break down. I am at one of the biggest and best colleges in china, taking classes in the morning then sight seeing at night, and I couldn't get myself out of bed. 16 years old crying like a baby face timing my parents because I can't handle being away from home for less than a month.

For me anxiety comes in several ways.

Panic attack + anxiety
1. Sound is amplified crushing in from all sides

2. Pain (biting my lip or digging nails into myself) is the only way to focus my mind

3. Head is spinning

Pure anxiety

1. Head spins a bit
2. Uncontrollable crying
3. Uncontrollable actions (mostly scratching at my head with my nails or twitching)

And the in betweens are just a mix of everything.

So to sum it all up. Anxiety controls me at the moment.

But I am working on it. That's what counts right?

Sometimes I don't want to listen to the advice like breathing and focusing on one thing.
I am thankful for it and it works but sometimes everything is better if I just cry it out... is that ok? I hope it is.

So there is my anxiety.
Comments?