Diaries of a Little Brown Girl

Things that pisses me off in general pt2

This post WILL, NOT MAY, WILL contain fowl language, so deal with it.

Authors thoughts. I have no idea why I am making another list. I just get these urges to do completely sarcastic yet random writings. I guess I am a bitter person. (Smile.) I'm happy. I honestly am...

This section will be called the "home and travel version." And yes, I know I need to get a life and or a grip, but this is too much fun.

Things that piss me off.

When someone says, "It's dark in here!" when first entering a room.

Well! Thank you Mr. obvious dick head. Yes it's dark in here dumbass, that's because I care about my electric bill. What's the point of having a light on in a room where I'm not in it? I'm going to leave the light on because my imaginary friend needs it. He's scared of the dark. Let me ask something. You want to be the one person who causes the earth to blow up because your one light causes a huge crash in the banking system, and then oxygen depletes because we have to cut down more trees to make more money and then we all die. Well, friend, I don't want to be that jackass, so that's why I turn my light off.

When people look at where I live and go "oh, so you live here?"

No. I don't. This is just a cover up for my box I live in. I only come here every day after school just for the hell of it. I actually live on the moon, with green people licking my feet. The reason I brought you to this house is that I want to trick you that's all I honestly wanted to do. I don't live here even though my house has my belongings in it. I just randomly move into peoples houses. It's a game.

When people ask me, "you had a haircut?"

Okay. This is very important. You can't tell anyone about this because they must never ever know. Okay? This is top secret. Get closer so I can whisper it… No, its autumn and I'm shedding. I shed often because I want to be a regular dog. It's fun, and it's easy on the pay.

Someone steps on your foot on the bus. It hurts, and they go "did that hurt?"

No, not at all, I'm on anesthesia... don't think it worked. Why don't you try again. Except this time try and not stomp on my foot please, the throbbing pain makes the anesthesia go away, you bastard.

When a distant relative goes "oh! You're so big!"

Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself. Last time I saw you, you only took up half of the doorway. Nice job! And of course I've gotten "so big" it's called puberty. Only difference is, I'm big in height.

When someone calls or texts you in the middle of the night and goes "oh, did I wake you?"

Did you wake me? Did you wake me? Nah. You didn't wake me. I only didn't answer the phone quickly enough because I was under the covers with my eyes shut, dreaming about eating an ice cream cone and then killing you because you called me in the middle of the night. I was in a deep sleep, which apparently only dumbasses can't do, but no. you didn't wake me in the slightest.

Same situation, but they ask "oh, were you sleeping?"

No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or not. You thought I was sleeping... you dumb shit. Don't you know better? If it were two in the morning, now where would I be? That's right, I'm at the store! There's no way in hell I would be sleeping! Get with the times there friend.