Still Alive: Part I

Chapter 2

You stand under the hot water in the shower, feeling it hit your back and flow down onto the floor. Paige was right, you think, showering does help me feel better. Most of the crusty blood on your arm is washed off, but the lines are still there. You still feel slightly ill-at-ease because you didn't tell Paige about your arm, but you had just barely come to terms with it yourself. You start singing "Popular" from Wicked.

 

“Whenever I see someone less fortunate than I,

(and let’s face it, who isn’t less fortunate than I?)

My tender heart tends to start to bleed...”

 

You trail off because you just don't feel all that happy. You lean against the wall, and think about all the things that you did with... her. You reminisce upon all the times you raced down the hallway together back at Phillips, poking each other on the back. How you used to discuss Shakespeare and how everyone is an idiot in her English class. Well, it was called "Language Arts" back then. That sounds really pretentious, now that you think about it. You also remember when you used to walk around the gym with her, talking and laughing about whatever came to mind. You always left her as soon as your other friends came out... But that was because you didn't want her to get a look at your pants... And before that, it was because you didn't really know her that well.

 

She doesn't know it, but the necklace that she gave you for your birthday is worn every weekend. You wouldn't really want her to notice how much you wear it. It's really beautiful, and you think that she found the shells herself. It's the perfect combination between cool and pretty. For guys. It's not like you're gay or anything. You don’t have anything against gay people, either. It’s just you’re not.

 

You remember how all this year with fencing you were always partners with her. That time when she made the "treesome" joke. Man, that was the best. It brings a small smile to your face, but you remember that Celia was also there so it was probably for her... so the smile only lasts for a moment. What about when we had that staring contest? Was that awkward at all for her? It didn't really seem like it... Wait, but what about those times she chased you for provoking her on purpose by making sexist jokes? You didn't mean it, of course, you just wanted to mess with her... And the time when she chased you to braid your hair... When you finally gave up running, she had to lie down on top of you to stop you from getting away. Every time she was almost finished braiding, you would shake it out, just so that you could feel her messing with your hair, feel her body against yours, for just a little bit longer. That whole ordeal left you with a mud stain on your shirt... It's the best day that you can remember. Back before you didn't know she was gay...

 

Your throat starts to ache again just thinking about it. You're all cried out and just can't produce any tears, so you lean against the wall making sobbing sort of sounds for a few minutes.

 

<<<< >>>>

 

Now that you're reclothed, you go downstairs looking for Paige. Instead, you find a note on the table along with an unopened box of strawberry poptarts and a bottle of Sierra Mist in a blue plastic bag. You crack open the bottle and start reading the note as you take your first sips.

 

Elliott-

 

I got some poptarts for you along with some soda. I'm with Oliver right now and we're seeing a movie, but we should be back before Mom and Dad get home. You should ride your bike around the block or something. If you're just playing video games the whole time I WILL KNOW and you will be SORRY.

 

Later, Paige

 

PS I cleaned the blood from your floor and walls, so don't worry about that. You're welcome.

 

You crumple the note up and put it in the trash, so as to not let anyone else see it laying around somewhere later. You rip open the box of poptarts and start eating them in between sips of Sierra Mist. A poor man's sprite, you think to yourself jokingly. A feeble smile is brought to your face at that thought. You linger by the table for a few minutes after you finish eating, but you eventually force yourself to wander into the garage to get your bike.