Still Alive: Part I

Chapter 6

You are at a sunny, rocky beach with Paige, Celia, Shaylor, and her. You are having a fine and dandy time, except she and Celia keep almost making out and you progressively more hysterically shove them apart time after time until you decide to push Celia into the ocean. When her back is turned, you give her back a good shove, but then you realize that it was actually her. When she falls in, the sky turns red and the rocks turn black and the sea turns into blood. Paige keeps yelling at you to go rescue her because she's drowning in blood and you keep trying to explain that you would impale yourself on the rocks if you tried to jump down. Celia and Shaylor join in, and then the rest of the East fencing team shows up and forms an angry mob. You get slowly pushed back by the mob until you eventually fall off the rocks backwards and you're facing up, watching the silhouettes of the fencing team get farther and farther away as the shiny black cliffside shoots up into the sky. You can't position yourself to face downwards so you don't know when you're going to land, just pure terror and anticipation. You finally impale yourself on the black rocks below and start coughing up blood. You're paralyzed. Then you see her flying back up to the fencing team on huge feathery wings. She is about to land safely, but her wings still have thick blood from the ocean and they stick together so she can't fly. No. Not this again. Please. She plummets down onto the rocks next to you, and you see her mangled and bloody body lying spread-eagled on the dark obsidian rocks. Her wavy, bronzy hair which is usually shimmering is now caked with blood. Her skin becomes even more pale than it was before. Her eyes are wide and vacant, and she isn't breathing. You choke on your own blood as you attempt to yell in protest. No! It's not fair! I can't help it, I thought she was Celia! It's not my fault! You feel like screaming, but you can't because your blood is overflowing out of your mouth like some sort of demented gargoyle. You're trapped. You messed up again. It's all your fault. You can't ever have her. You'll only hurt her. It's all your goddamn fault. You squeeze your eyes shut as hot tears flow and become part of the ocean. Her bloody wings litter feathers everywhere. The last thing you see is her body sinking into the blood ocean.

<<<< >>>>

You wake up bolt upright in a cold sweat. It's 1:27 AM.

You add another tally mark to your arm, and force yourself to lick up the blood. You choke and cough a little. This is what you deserve.

You don't know how much longer you can take this.

<<<< >>>>

Sunday morning, you find it an acceptable time to get out of bed. Fencing today, you guess. You go and look at yourself in the bathroom mirror.

Your eyes are watery and have dark circles under them. Your shoulders slump and your previously just shoulder-length hair is a greasy mess. The clothes that you're wearing are wrinkled and stained, and you've been wearing them for a while. You just don't care anymore. You wipe your right palm up over your face and through your hair, as if you were wearing a mask that you could peel off with the slightest of ease. You damn well wish you were.