"comparison will kill you"
that's how this whole mess started.
wow. wow. wow. you haven't yelled at me like that since i was last sick. i wasn't prepared at all. you attacked me with questions. you made me feel hopeless. i was incredibly vulnerable. don't lie, if my mom and sister weren't there you would've hit me. you attacked me mentally. i'm basically guaranteed to have at least one abusive relationship because if you're yelling. you yell and then apologize and tell me you love me, that's a gateway to an abusive relationship. i was told "if a boys mean to you he likes you". my mom just sat in her bed, she didn't do shit. my sister. bless her fucking soul. she stood up for me. "what do you think yelling is gonna get? they are just gonna yell back, so stop it." she said as you could see the tears roll down her cheeks. he calmed down for a measly 10 seconds. YOU MADE MY FUCKING SISTER CRY. she doesn't deserve that. i went numb at one point. i almost fainted. i'm done with you. leave. i know i should be grateful for having a father but is it even worth it. i'm as fucked up as people who don't have there dads.
i just have to act like i love you, they don't.
just leave dad.
god i wish you and mom would divorce. i know that's terrible but i feel like you're ripping the family apart.
this is one of my top three panic attacks :
1) "comparison will kill you" -dad
2) "you should be sleeping" - dad
3) "do i have to pull your hair" - mom
man i wish i could runaway.
