Another shot(ON HOLD)

CHAPTER V: STRANGE QUESTIONS

I know for a fact na matagal na akong naka-move on. Ilang taon na rin ang nakalipas at napaka-imposible namang hanggang ngayon ay may hangover pa rin ako sa kanya. Napakarami kaya akong ginawa para kalimutan siya to the point that I busied myself with lots of activities that my studies brought me. I avoided the mere thought of him. Mabuti na lamang nang mga panahong iyon ay bagong lipat pa lang ako sa eskwelahang ito so there's a lot of things that served as my distractions. Nag-iba ang takbo ng buhay ko. May mga bago akong kinahiligan. Nagkaroon ako ng iba pang mga kaibigan. Naging masaya ako kahit wala siya.

Nakalimutan ko siya. He was tossed at the back of my mind and soon, new memories occupied the space and covered the painful ones from the past. He didn't mean a thing anymore. He wasn't part of my life anymore.

I wasn't in love with him anymore. Naka-move on na ako. Nakalimot na ako. Hindi ba?

But just as I thought that I ran away from it all, biglang nagbalik ang multo ng nakaraan upang ipaalala sa akin ang lahat at guluhin ulit ako. It's making me disoriented and unfocused. The whole morning I pretended to be listening intently to the discussions, taking down notes, but my mind was wandering far from those formulas written on the board. Ang totoo'y hindi ako mapakali. Puno ng mga alaala ang isipan ko at gusto kong makatakas. I didn't want to face them kasi natatakot ako.

I'm afraid of the feelings that comes with those memories.

"Class dismissed."

Bigla akong natauhan nang marinig ko na ang bell. Napatingin ako sa blackboard at nakitang may assignment na nakasulat. Hay. Ni hindi ko man lang namalayan kung may iba pang announcement si Sir. Ba't ba kasi gulong-gulo ako ngayon? Ano naman kung katabi ko siya? Ano naman kung kanina pa siya tingin nang tingin sa akin?

Bakit ba hinahayaan ko siyang maapektuhan ako?

Mabilis kong isinulat ang assignment sa notebook ko, pero nanginginig ang mga kamay ko. Siguro, ang OA ko na. Siguro, napapansin niya, and maybe I'm giving him the satisfaction of seeing me weak because of him.

Or maybe, I'm just over-complicating things.

"Jo―"

I immediately gathered my things and shove them in my bag. Hindi ko na siya pinatapos sa kanyang sasabihin at agad akong umalis sa classroom. I didn't even wait for my friends. Bahala na, mauuna na lamang ako sa cafeteria. Palagi naman kaming nagkikita-kita doon.

Mabilis akong naglakad papalayo. I passed by the hallway, squeezing my way through the crowd of students. Hindi ko maiwasang marinig ang mga bulung-bulungan nila patungkol sa "bagong lipat na gwapong estudyante". Lahat sila'y interesado. Sabagay, it isn't everyday that you hear of a transferee in the middle of the school year.

At dahil sa pagmamadali ko, nakalimutan ko palang isara ang zipper ng bag ko kaya nahulog sa sahig ang lahat ng gamit ko. Just great.

Wala akong nagawa kung di pulutin ang mga ito. Habang ginagawa ko ito, may nakita akong pares ng mga kamay na tinutulungan akong tipunin ang lahat ng gamit ko. I looked up to see Justin who was shaking his head.

"You're still clumsy as ever," sabi niya. I smiled.

"Nakalimutan ko lang isara yung zipper ng bag ko," I reasoned out. Ibinigay niya sa akin ang mga gamit at ipinasok ko na ito muli sa bag, this time, sinigurado ko nang naka-zipper ito. Inalalayan niya akong tumayo.

"Bakit, nagmamadali ka ba? O sadyang makalilimutin ka na? Aba, lola ka na pala," he teased me and laughed. I playfully punched him in the shoulder. Nagsimula na rin kaming maglakad-lakad.

"You're older than me," I retorted. "So, kung may tatawaging matanda sa ating dalawa, ikaw yun, Lolo Justin."

Nagtawanan kaming dalawa. Mahilig mang-asar itong si Justin kaya naman palagi dapat akong may ipangbabara sa kanya kung ayaw kong pagtawanan niya lang.

"So, kumusta naman yung bago mong kaklase?"

Lumingon siya sa akin na parang nagtatanong. Biglang naging mapakla yung ngiti ko. For a moment, I forgot about him pero pinaalala pa niya. Hay naku.

"Okay lang naman. Mukhang maraming nagkakandarapa," sagot ko. I hope he doesn't notice the bitterness in my voice.

"And you're not one of them?" he asked, slightly amused. Hah. Dati yun, pero hindi na ngayon. But of course, he doesn't have to know that.

"You know I won't settle for the looks," sabi ko sa kanya. "And besides, I'm not on the lookout for love right now, or ever."

Being in a relationship is the least of my priorities. It's like having an extra baggage na makakasagabal lamang sa akin. I wouldn't like to burden myself with stress. I'd rather focus on my studies than flirt around. Aksaya lang yan ng oras at efforts. In the end, masasaktan lang naman ako. I'm just saving myself from the pain dahil pagod na akong masaktan.

"Pero paano kung pag-ibig na mismo yung lumapit sa'yo? Tatanggihan mo pa rin ba ito?"

I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to face him. I thought he was just teasing me, but he looked so serious that I laughed. Minsan lang kaya 'to mag-seryoso!

"Why did you turn to be so serious all of a sudden? Naninibago ako sa'yo ah," natatawa kong puna sa kanya. I waited a few moments for him to budge, but he didn't.

Hmm... I wonder what's up with him?

"Matagal na tayong magkakilala but you never told me your story. I'm curious as to why you ended up so bitter. Ano nga ba ang kwento mo, Misty?" he said, tilting his head. I just smiled.

I never told you because mine was some kind of twisted fairytale.

He was looking at me intently that I began to shy away from his gaze. I felt like a specimen being observed under those microscope-like eyes of his. Hindi ko alam kung bakit napaka-strange ng mga tanong niya ngayon. Was it that obvious?

"Napa-misteryoso mo, Misty. It's seems like I know you, but the truth is I don't really know you at all. Para bang underneath sa pinapakita mong façade na okay ka lang, may mga bangungot na nakatago," sabi niya. "I hope mag-kwento ka, minsan. I'm not just a friend who's there to make you laugh, pero nandito rin ako para damayan ka."

I felt the sincerity in his voice kaya't wala akong nagawa kung hindi tumango. I couldn't look in those eyes. Parang tinutunaw kasi ako. Siguro nga, it's so obvious na may gumugulo sa isipan ko. Nakahalata siya eh. Pero makalampas ba ako sa iba kong mga kaibigan?

Maybe I need to pretend better.

"I'm okay, Justin. Really," I said to convince him, but it was more like I'm convincing myself.