Red

Chapter Three

A/N: I realize that all of the chapters so far have only been in Heather Chandler's POV, but at some point, I will add someone else's point of view.

Chandler POV:

I slide down the bathroom door, pulling my knees up to my chest. The tears start to fall, and I take in deep breaths. Think about something else. Think about someone else. The first face that pops into my head is Veronica's. I try to shake the image. I can't let myself get attached to someone I just met. Somehow, though, thinking of her is comforting.

I hear a knock on the door. "Chandler," I hear Veronica say meekly. "Are you ok?"

Of course I'm not ok. "I'll be fine." I try to keep my voice steady, but it's not working.

"I told Martha to stay on the couch," she says. "She's still watching the movie, but... she's worried about you." There's a pause before she continues. "Can I come in?"

Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. I reach up and unlock the door. I move to the side so she can actually get inside. She carefully turns the knob, and the door creaks open. She looks sort of shy, but she walks in anyway, closing the door behind her. She sits down next to me, and I take another deep breath, still trying to control my tears.

"I hate that you're seeing me like this," I tell her honestly.

"You have just as much a right to cry as anyone else," Veronica says.

"Maybe in front of you, but not in front of anyone else," I reply. "Duke would crucify me if she found out I was here, crying in Martha Dunstock's bathroom."

"Well, Duke's a bitch," she states bluntly. I look up at her. "Sorry, but she is."

"Trust me, I'm well aware," I mutter, resting my chin on my knees. "She used to be nice in middle school. We all were. Once we got to high school, though, Duke and I both got better at hiding any actual human emotion." I smile as I think of Mac. "Macnamara didn't. She hasn't changed since middle school. Honestly, that's probably a good thing. I don't know how I would have survived these past three years without her."

"That's sweet," Veronica says with a smile.

"So why had you never tried to speak to us until this year?" I ask. "I get not wanting to interact with Duke and I. We're bitches. But Macnamara? She's a ray of fucking sunshine."

"You were all so... intimidating," she replies. I can't help but laugh.

"Again, I understand how Duke and I might have scared you, but Macnamara's..." I try to think of the right way to describe her. "Hell, she's Macnamara."

"Intimidating," she repeats. "Still intimidating."

I sigh, pulling my knees closer to my chest again. I hate that one idiotic fucking guy can make me feel like this. "Shit," I whisper, putting my head in my hands.

"Are you ok?" she asks for the third time tonight. I shake my head. "I... I figured not. Do you want to talk about it?"

"As I mentioned, I'm not exactly one to discuss feelings," I tell her. "I doubt I'd be very good at it."

"You don't have to be good at it," Veronica says. "I'll listen if you're ready to talk."

I look at her, and I can see the concerned expression creep back onto her face. "It's happened before," I say, looking straight ahead again.

"Oh, God," Veronica says quietly. "Chandler..."

"He's never gone very far before tonight," I say, keeping my voice steady. "Kurt would join in sometimes, kissing me or groping me or whatever the fuck he wanted. He never went past that, though, and he stopped when I started fighting back. With Ram, 'no' just wasn't a goddamn option, and he didn't stop. Everything he did... it... it was always grabbing or touching or... or fingers, just once." I look down at my lap. "That just wasn't enough for the fucker, I guess."

"I hate him," Veronica says quietly, her tone dangerous. "How could he do that to you?" Now she sounds like she's about to cry.

"He just drinks too much, and-" I begin.

"That's no fucking excuse," she snaps. I look over at her, slightly shocked. I didn't peg her for the type to curse.

"It's my fault," I say, still looking at her. "I shouldn't have gone to the party. I knew he'd be there, and I knew he'd be drunk. I set myself up."

"You... you can't possibly think that it's your fault," she replies, her voice barely above a whisper. I look away from her again, resting my chin on my knees. "It's not your fault," she says.

"Look, Sawyer-" I begin.

"It's not," she repeats. "You did nothing wrong." I avert my eyes again, but she moves so that I'm forced to look at her again. "You. Did. Nothing. Wrong."

I won't cry again. I stand up, looking in the mirror and fixing my makeup with a square of toilet paper. Veronica stands, too, leaning against the door and watching me. Once I look okay again, I turn back to her, crossing my arms across my chest. She's staring at me so intently that I almost take a step back, but then there's another meek knock on the door.

"Are you two ok in there?" Martha asks. "I don't want to finish the movie without you, and..." Her voice trails off. "Heather, are you alright?"

Veronica looks at me, her eyes scanning my expression. I close my eyes and breathe in and out a few times before opening my eyes again and walking past Veronica to open the door. She moves, allowing me by. As the door opens, I see Martha standing there looking more nervous than Veronica had when she'd been the one behind the door. "Seriously, just call me Chandler," I tell her again. "I'm already friends with enough Heathers. I'd rather go by something else." As I brush by her, I answer her question. "And yes, I'm fine."

***
A/N: There's going to be a slight time-skip to the next day once the next chapter starts. I hope you're liking the book so far, or at least I hope it's engendering some sort of feelings.

Thanks for reading.
-LittleMissBlitz