Impulse ➳ h.s. (On hold)

02. Not Perfect

Jane's POV

"Don't wake me up, up, up, up" my radio-alarm clock blared out.

"Grunff" I stretched and groaned, what in the world was that? The sounds I make in the morning are wierd. "I don't want to wake up, up, up, up this early either." I agreed with Chris Brown.

It's fifteen until five o' clock in the morning and I hardly got any sleep. This past week I have bought whatever I wanted at the mall. From duvets, pillows, and small fluffy rugs to posters, stickers, and new clothes and shoes. My mom was not with me at all, but she e-mailed me what my hall of residency looked like. It is gorgeous, might I just add.

It's as if it is a small apartment. I just hope it actually looks like that when I arrive.

I think being allowed all of this will help me. I really do, because I have this issue with my parents where i'm just so over sensitive about everything. I think, and think, and think about every single detail. My self-esteem drops quicker than that 'dun, dun, dun' when I'm around them. As i've mentioned before i'm not exactly their 'dream child'.

I opened the blinds enough for me to see the transitioning sky. The upper part was a velvet blue and the lower your eyes wandered the lighter the blue got. I feel that a sky like this is intense. When there is not one twinkle or sparkle adorning it. When it's an endless blank canvas. It's as if the universe is numb.

Erm, sorry, I read too much poetry and romance novels. Everything has become questionable or metaphorical since my choice in literature. It's become a part of me.

Once I snapped out of my observation of the sky, I undressed and went into my bathroom.

On my way into my tub I crossed paths with the mirror. It's strange because it seems to have me in a trance. My mind automatically starts picking out my flaws and what's not acceptable. I just stood there examining my figure. I know I'm not supposed to. I know the things it makes me think about myself, but I just stood there despite my consious telling me to stop and to not believe what it is showing me.

Too fat. Too skinny. Small boobs. No curves. Too many curves. Too tall. Too short. Not perfe-- No. Stop Jane, stop. This can't happen again.

A whimper escaped my mouth along with a quiver of my bottom lip.

It's miraculous how fast a situation can spiral downwards. My thoughts were bouncing back and forth becoming jumbled; some of them weren't even relavent and I was beginning to have trouble breathing. It took everything in me to quickly scatter towards the bath.

I layed in the warm water as tears cascaded my cheeks because the nightmare-ish memories just flooded through me. As if I hadn't spent years building up a wall. As if I hadn't gone through enough of hell. As if I never truly recovered.

It pained me that I would be leaving to Paris after such an awful morning. I wanted to leave happy and refreshed, ready to achieve something.

Why can't anything go right?

This was supposed to be a happy day, I was supposed to be happy.

After I calmed as much possible and was clean I glanced at my clock, it was three past six. I had fifteen minutes to get ready and thirty until my flight boarded.

I was in no mood to get all dressy now. I'll just bring an accessable outfit ready and I'll change in the flight restroom.

For now leggings and my gray 'The Ramones' band sweatshirt will do. As for my hair I'll put it in a messy bun and later I'll let it down so my big waves will show. The only set back was my eyes were red and puffy. Hopefully it will only take a while for them to regain their regular state.

My radio/alarm clock's screen showed the time as six with eighteen.

"Oh god! I have to call the driver! Shit, I'm going to be late." I panicked.

"Pick up, pick up, pick up... Shit, shit, shit, shi-- uh-Hello, uh yes Jane Blunt that's me, the Fairfax Airport please. Yes Berkley Gates."

The driver got here right on time and I was so thankful. I had twenty minutes to get to the airport.

°°°°°°°°°°°°

God, going through check took forever. It's the most annoying part about the airport.

"Now boarding flight A30 Paris, France. Now boarding flight A30 Paris, France." a woman stated through the intercom.

I stared at my luggage for a bit and took a deep breath as if it would help me clear the speck of fear I had. "Here we go." I exhaled.

I handed the poinsetta lip colored woman my boarding pass and passport since this flight was international. In return she gave me the fakest smile. "Enjoy your flight ma'am, have a good day."

I sure hope so.

I asked a flight attendant where my seat was since it was such a large plane and I-of course- was lost. My seat was not a window seat and that made me feel dismal. Window seats are the best. In my opinion It allows me to feel less dizzy or air-sick when on flights. And they make hella good tumblr photos.

The seat D1 was next to a guy with massive chocolate curls touseled back.

Oh great.

I payed no mind to him. I was in no position to care about some dude that is gorgeous; with all my issues I didn't even feel like existing.

I settled in and tried to place my carry on in the compartment above but I couldn't get it to fully close.

"Need some help there love?" he chuckled.

Oh. My. Jesus. He's english. And his voice, oh my Jesus.

I quickly brought myself back to reality and noticed I might have been staring for just a milli-second too long.

"Uh, um, Y-Yeah. Um thanks." I stuttered.

Jane snap out of it.

He stood full height- which was much taller in comparison to me- and pushed my bag in with one swift movement.

"There you go." he smiled.

"Thanks again." I sheepishly smiled back.

"No problem, I'm Harry by the way."

"I'm Jane, nice to meet you."

"Tha-" he was cut off by the Pilot notifying us who he is and where we are headed. Then the flight attendant showing us the proper procedures and things available.

Once I heard there's wifi I pulled out my laptop and headphones to play music and go on tumblr.

I am the world's number one tumblr addict. Okay, that might be a slight exaggeration but I'm pretty close. Again a reason why I love window seats.

Oh! I forgot about Harry, but when I turned my head he had earphones on and was on his phone. Oh well.

The plane elivated and we were off. Just nine hours or so to go... I'll just read and write, it's not like I wanted to start a conversation or anything.

❀ It'll get better when I get my laptop back, just you wait. I'll be able to type really long chapters when le creative juices flow.❀