Princess

Fuscia

"Li..what am I going to tell Ari? You know she's gonna ask for you..cry for you..call for you..how am I suppose to tell her you went off and died 'in peace'?" Deon cried while looking at Lilac.

"D please...I don't know. Okay?!? I don't know! I just know this is something I want to do..I need to do this baby..I need this." Lilac said while looking away from Deon's gaze.

"No! YOU want to die on your OWN terms. You're giving up..on yourself, on me..o-"

"DON'T YOU SAY IT!" Lilac yells pointing a finger into Deon face cutting her completely off,

"God Deon...Don't. You.Say.It."

"You gave up on Ari and you know it! That's our BABY Li! She needs her mommy! I need you! Please just don't do this to us!" Deon says swatting Lilac's hand out her face stepping close so that they are once again face to face.

"Deon..my decision has been made. I'm going to Parlo Lake Sunday morning..according to what my test results say that's not much of a difference in time, if I even make it that long. I would love it if you and Ari came... if I had to choose the last people I spoke to on Earth I would hope it would be the two loves of my life."

I sit up straight rubbing my eyes. Parlo Lake? If I even make it that long? Last people I spoke to on Earth? Was Mommy was dying..? I stare into the darkness faintly lit by pink stars in disbelief. No one..not a single person. Not Claudia, not Mrs.Rodgers, not Auntie Ame, Not Gigi Celina, Not Uncle Lj, Or Auntie Nae. Not even mama or mommy herself...she just left and never came back. I reach over to my notepad and fluffy pen and add another question to the 'Don't Know ' List.

6. Where is Parlo Lake?

While adding that to the list I realize I can now answer to a couple of questions.

1. Cancer is a sickness that gives your body too many things of itself. It's like over eating at Thanksgiving, your body is feeding you when you already full.

2.Mommy didn't go away with cancer, she had it. I still don't know three so I circle it and move on to four.

4.Mommy was sick because of cancer. But I need to know why nobody told me. Why everyone lied to me.

5. Parlo Lake..and that's where I'm going to go.

So, with all questions but two answered I feel I'm doing pretty dang good. I sit down my notepad and stretch my arm as far as it will go to my iPad and go straight to Google. I type in, Parlo Lake and a whole BUNCH of things pop up! As I scroll I see a website, then other things below it. I decide I want to see what Parlo Lake is and what it's all about before I see how other people feel. When the website loads I click their, "About Us" link. The very thing I see is,

"Parlo Lake, Where you choose your own end." End! WHAT THE HECK?! Mommy went here to choose her end?! When a person ends that means the- and I stop. I think back to how all the stories mommy and Mrs.Rodgers had read to me had ends. Usually their ends were "And they lived happily ever after." Not "I left my daughter and wife one day and never came back. The End." Stories had happy endings..not sad ones. So far mine had been a sad one, and that is not what I want. I want a happy ending, just like everyone else's. Mama. Mommy. Me. And maybe a puppy named Snuggles. A family...my family. That's all I ever wanted..I sigh and sit down my iPad and lie back down. I lie down and think to myself..who would ever want to know their end? Who would ever want to choose it?