Princess

Salmon

"Honestly D...what gave you the right to have the choice? This Is MY life! MY cancer! MY pain! D I am hurting! I don't want Ari to remember me like this! I just want her to remember me for me D! Her mommy! Not the mommy who threw up all the time in the bathroom instead of give her a bubble bath with her toys! Not the mommy who didn't like to brush her hair beca-...because she can't brush her mommy's hair because it's falling OUT! Not the mommy who couldn't make it to her dance recital because she had chemo..." She said yelling until her voice faded into nothing through her tears,

"I just want her to remember me..for me."

I woke up feeling wet all around me. My clothes, my pillow, my sheets-everything. I roll over Belle, my teddy bear to look at the clock. 3:27A.M. I count on my fingers to the time mama comes to wake me up every morning. I have..five hours, so what to do? I first get up and take my sheets off along with my pillows and pile them next to my door where mama tells me to put all my dirty washable things. I go to my closet and stare. In that moment I realize I've never had to choose my own clothes, mama always did it for me. Always. I look around looking for something catches my eye, then I see it! My favorite dress to wear. A pink, overalls dress with a white flower on the front side of the pocket. I reach and reach, jumping up and down, using another hanger to possibly knock it down, everything possible and it won't budge. I look around wondering, "What else could I use to get it down?" I scan my room until I finally see it! My night stand! I empty everything from it's draws and unplug and remove everything that sits on top of it. I slide it over to my closet as quietly as I can making sure not to cause anymore sounds then needed. Once over to my closet out of strength but still determined I climb on to the night stand standing up slowly. First try, I reach and fall over almost breaking my neck. The second try I finally steady myself to a point I feel comfortable enough to jump. I grab the hanger and position it just right and count off.
"One.." I say bending my legs,

"Two.." I follow with while bracing myself for speed,

"Anddd thre-" Bomb! I hear right as I was jumping. I look away causing me to once again loose my balance but this time..I don't catch myself. The floor meets my face faster than what I expected causing me to scream. Next thing I know my mama's holding me, my arm's dangling all over the place, and a weird taste in my mouth. I reach to touch my mouth to see why I had the weird and saw red.

"Mama..I bleeding!"

I didn't go to school today, but I did go to the doctors today. I saw my doctor, Mrs. V. I know her real name but I can't say it. Anyway she said I broke my arm! In two places! Now I have to where this cast, but it's pink!! So I'm happy. When we get into the car mama is quiet. I wonder why she is so quiet so I ask her.

"Mama..why you quiet? I'm okay now. I good." I say looking up to her in the front seat as I rub my cast,

"Mama?"

"I hear you baby..You just scared me this morning that's all." She says as we pull into the driveway then the garage. As it let's down I can see Mama's eyes tearing up and I think to myself, I really scared mama.. She unbuckles me and picks me up, as she carries me to my bed I can barely keep my eyes open. I close them just for a second and when I open them again I'm laying in my bed and Mama's moving my night stand back in place. I reach for her with the arm I do have working and smile. She smiles back and sits down next to me on the bed.

"How do you feel? Does it hurt?" She says carefully taking my cast in her hands as I wince a little.

"Yes..But I'll be okay. You here mama." I say hugging her arm making her smile.