Princess

Lemonade

When I woke up this morning I say there, for a 5 year old I figured I had a lot on my mind to be so young. Mama kissing Serena broke my heart, and mama acted like it never even happened, like she didn't even do it. Then after all that has a picture of my mommy?!? And cries?!?! Where was that when she was kissing Serena? Where did all that love go? I just couldn't understand it. After that thinking I had also come to another conclusion..I had no dream this morning and all of a sudden my heart began to shatter piece by piece. Cause maybe..just maybe, without it even being intentional, I was forgetting mommy too. All of a sudden these tears I had not had in my eyes before began to fall from them. One after one after another, many more would follow in those couple of minutes. Many more tears, sniffs, and flinches from pain due to crying to hard moving the arm I had broken. I was not crying like I had before, I knew that. It was a different cry, I think I was grieving because for the first time my feelings were not only hurt but so was my heart, and mama had never broke my heart before..nobody ever had. I finally stop crying and I hear my alarm start to beep. I sniff a couple of more times before I finally turn it off looking from it then to the shades on my window. I look outside expecting to see Mr. Sun because he was always there to greet me in the morning with hands of light sneaking into room tapping me awake. No not today, Miss Cloud decided she wanted her turn. There was not a peak of sun to be found, just Miss Cloud and rain. But with her rain brought a pretty smell, a smell I always loved. As I close my eyes and sniff I can already smell in through my nose even though no window or door is open. When I open my window I am
not disappointed. It greets my nose like Auntie Ame's hugs greeted me; warmth. And it calmed me. I close my eyes and just breathe. As I do this I hear my door slowly open, then close again, there are steps that follow, light but I can still hear them. They stop, then my bed shifts from on one side and is left that way but I hear no words. Not a single thing is said, for a long time. It stays silent until it is broken with,

"Your mommy use to do the same thing. Every single time if rainded, she open the windows and "let in the smell of life" as she would call it. She said it was always important to not forget our life, what it's meaning and where it came from and ultimately where it was going. Do you understand that Ari?" Mama ask as I took in another breath. I open my eyes for the first time in what seems forever and she's there, right next to me, in pajamas and a hair band, her legs crossed in a different way, one I've never seen before, maybe even painful yet looking so peaceful. The anger in me starts to come from deep, deep somewhere I do not know but it's swelling inside and right before I am to burst I finally say,

"Why did you lie to me mama? Why did you say you love me? Why did you say you loved mama? You said you loved her, yet you shared cooties with Serena. Why did you lie?" I say as I feel the tear gathering up at the bottom of my eyes once again. I can see her whole body change, her face no longer glowing, the light in my her eyes, even the stillness of her seems to fade. When we met eyes I recognize something I see in myself too, pain.

"Ari I would never ever lie to you baby..I didn't kiss Serena, not intentionally. In fact she kissed me. I did not want that babygirl, I did not want her and I still don't want her. I loved your mommy, God did I love her! And I still do! Just like I love. You're the best thing that ever happened in my life." She says pulling me into her arms as her and I both start to cry.

"But you acted like it didn't happen! Like you didn't even know I seen it! Why Serena do that?! I thought she was my friend!" I yell through my tears hitting mama's chest. Every time I time I saw her in my head..with her! Hit after hit until my arm could no longer take it

"Ari I'm sorry..I'm s-so so sorry baby. I just didn't want you to see it and I was hoping you never did! I didn't want you to hold anything against Serena because she wasn't herself and I didn't want you thinking I just go around kissing people Ari. I'm so sorry baby..please just please forgive me..you are my heart. " Mama cried leaning her head down in tears covering her face,