The Exchange

Chapter 30

Louis stood back against the wall behind Eleanor not moving. Harry ushers me out but I can't not avoid hearing the screams and yells from Niall, Zayn and Liam directed towards the other side of the kitchen that seems to be split by the island, no one daring to cross over the line I helped draw.

Harry shut the bedroom door behind us with one swift, tense movement and brought me over to the couch in the corner, meant for someone to sleep on at night when shifts move.

"Mira," He says my name gently, "What did she do to you?" He moves to the bathroom and I hear him turn on the tap. The water ran and splashed loudly in the sink.

"It wasn't just her." I say. He comes back with a damp face cloth that he presses to my face. I feel the soothing coolness of it against my skin, "It's my fault too."

"Nothing is your fault." Harry says. He better not go on to say it's no ones fault because I know I'm to blame for this.

"Yes it is." I whisper as he pulls me to his chest.

"Don't think like that." He says. I feel like I've heard all this before but none of it is true. I know the truth. I'm the one who did wrong here. I know it's all me.

"Monster!" Someone screams from the kitchen making me flinch. It seems like they're closer than before and the chaos I imagine going on in there is making me feel worse.

Suddenly Niall, Liam and Zayn burst in through the door in a panicked state. Seeing my position, they crowd around Harry and I on their knees.

"Mira what happened?" They ask sincerely. What should I tell them? They probably figured out most things on their own. What else is there that they need to know?

"Start at the beginning." Zayn prompts, finding my hand. I don't know what it is about him or the way he said it but I start at the beginning like he suggests.

"Why!" A deep, masculin voice yells from the other room as I begin. I have never heard Louis so mad before. So angry. So upset. I thought I saw him pretty upset at some times but now I don't know.

***

It's not hard to talk to the boys. I feel more trusting of them now. Sitting on Harry's lap my mouth opened up and he cooed soothingness into my ear at the hard parts.

"It's okay." Harry whispers as the yells from the other room grow louder. Every word I can hear, every noise that blows through the door crack, is a reminder of what I've done and it brings me close to tears.

"It's okay." He whispers. A bang, a yell, a scream, a cry.

"It's okay."

How can it be okay though? How can he try to make me believe it's okay when it obviously isn't okay. How can he say these things? How can he say these lies?

"It's okay." Whisper after whisper he repeats the same thing. The same lie. The most difficult thing to hear because it's so obviously not true.

"It's okay." How can I take anymore of this? How can I listen to this any more? How can I stand to hear it one more time? I can't!

"It's okay." He whispers.

"I'm sorry." My voice says, smaller than a mouse. I don't think any one heard it but I don't really want them to have heard that. Whether Harry heard it or not he cooes into my ear again.

"It's okay."

I don't know how long we stay in the room. It could be minutes or hours but it feels like years. Every passing second drags forever and I wonder if I will ever be let out. If the scenery will ever change. If someone else will be let in. Eventually it all stops and the front door shuts. Everything is silent again except for Harry's soft whispers tickling my ear.