The Exchange

Chapter 36

"Honey, you're going to need to bring something nice to wear when you come home in case we have to go to church."  

"To church?!"  I exclaim.  I heard my mothers voice break a little, through the receiver when she said church and I know what "church" means.  

"Well, I told you Grans isn't feeling that good right?"  I stand back in shock.  As if my mother is actually saying this to me right now.  As if I'm actually hearing this.  As if everything is actually being processed by my ears.  

"Okay mom, I'll find something."  I say looking out the window at the London weather.  My flight is scheduled to leave in two days for my trip back home that my parents gratefully paid for as my Christmas gift this year.  As I watch the falling snow I think about home and how it snows the same way from my bedroom window.  It falls just as softly, blows just as lightly, and feels just as cold.  It's the same back home.  Home.  I have no idea what's going on at home.  

I look around at the kitchen with the same appliances I've been using for months.  Appliances just like I would use at home but in England.  Half way across the world.  My life may be pretty normal and similar compared to my life at home but I just realized, I have no idea what's going on at home.  

 I guess it's true when the say no two snowflakes are the same.  

"Honey, I have to hang up now, I think Aunt Laura is calling me.  I'll call back later."  

"Okay mom, bye."  I say, hanging up the phone while still looking out the window.  The snow falls and the lights twinkle in the perfect holiday scene outside our house.  

Find something nice to wear, pack your suit case. 

People walk around gleefully, whistling Christmas carols and wearing red and green. 

Church, Hospital. 

They greet strangers with warm smiles and saying Happy Holidays. 

Home.  

I turn on my heels leaving the dishwasher still open with clean dishes that need to be put away.  I run into my room and shut the door behind me.  In thought, I walk over to my dresser and pick up my picture frame.  The one with my cousins and I, standing with my grandmother on our last family picnic.  We're all smiling happily and stand so close.  I feel pain to remember I'm actually so far from them all.  I wonder what they're all doing right now.  Are they together?  Do they feel that I'm missing?  

I put my frame down carefully and spin on my heels.  My closet is steps away from me and I throw it open.  Tons of sweaters, jeans and scarves fall out and I search for something nice.  Something right.  The perfect outfit.  After an hour of searching I come to the conclusion that I have nothing appropriate for "church."  

I look at the bus stop across the street from my window.  It must of just left because no one is waiting for a bus and I know it will be another twenty minutes until another one arrives to take me to the shopping centre.  I quickly wipe my eyes, grab my purse and prepare myself for the cold, lengthy wait for the bus.  

I walk out of my room and see Louis alone, flipping through the channels.  Everyone else is either last minute shopping or doing something like that.  I believe Liam had a date and Zayn didn't say but it sounded like he was getting lunch with a girl.  

"I'm going out Louis, I'll be back soon."  

"Where are you going?"  Louis mutes the T.V and looks at me puzzled.  

"Just shopping."  I reply after a moment, delaying saying it aloud.  

"For what?"  Louis insists and I stop feet away from the door.  I look in the living room at him and he's staring back at me.