I never thought freezing time would be possible. Yet here I am, stuck in the midst of time and all its terrors. The past slipping behind me, the present as uncertain as ever, the future maniacally laughing in my face. I stand on the precipice of senior year, finishing my classes and about to graduate from the very thing that defines my childhood. I'm eighteen, legally I'm no longer a child, but the dreaded public school system remains the only normality in my life. That's coming to an end.
As soon as midnight hits on June 17th, 2017, I will officially be an adult. No job, no money, no responsibility yet the world will be breathing criticism down my neck. It's as if I'm being born again but with the experiences left from my childhood.
As of now, I don't know anything. I'm confused. I see the future so close, so uncertain, yet I feel the pressure to leave my comfortable life behind. Therefore, I'm frozen in time. Frozen in the uncertainty of the past, the present, and the future.
Graduating was never a real thing to me my senior year. It felt like a normal year in high school, filled with tests, homework assignment, teachers, projects.... You name it. But then it was September. Then September grew into November and quickly December until I sit here now, stuck in the midst of time during the month of May. All of the sudden I graduate in twenty nine days. That leaves me twenty nine days of a giant chapter of my life left to live. The question is how do I live it, or will it even matter in, say, five years?
I don't want to say goodbye. I can't bring myself to walk up to my friends, look them in the eye, with the constant thought that I won't see them for maybe a couple weeks, a couple months, maybe even in years or never again. I don't want to say goodbye because I want a promise for forever.
But then memories of pain come back to me. Pain brought towards me during high school, those that have wronged me, those I can't move on from. Then the future seems promising. A fresh start at a new school in a new city with new people... My heart quickens but then freezes.
Because I don't want to leave. Not quite yet.
