I've been in love, sure.
When you read that sentence above, you'll think boyfriend, cute dates, romantic kisses, so on and so forth. But that's not the truth. We all know that's the definition of "perfect love". Well, what if there was such a thing as "imperfect love"?
So yes, that's the type of love I've been in, "imperfect love". Which to be honest with you, it's most of the relationships and feelings we all possess. Maybe it was a friend, or a crush, or even a boyfriend or girlfriend. Or maybe even it was a relationship you couldn't define. That one right there, that's my category.
Rather than boring you with the details of our history, I'll give you a word... egregious. Definition? Remarkably good AND outstandingly bad. That's the only way I can and will describe this relationship that I have with this someone.
Remarkably good? He changed me. He opened me up to a life I never imagined for myself. His words to me are so sweet and so reassuring. He knows more about me than I know about myself. He's been there for three years now and I wouldn't have it any other way...
But he hasn't always been there. That's when outstandingly bad comes into play. We fight. He loves me but loves someone else too. He plays with my emotions and knows it. When he gets too tired he stops fighting for me and abandons me. I've sat awake at night too many times thinking I lost him. Shouldn't I never have to worry about that if we were "perfectly in love"?
When I close my eyes, all those feelings come rushing back. His hand resting on my waist, grazing his fingertips along my bare skin. His lips on my neck as I entangle my fingers through his hair. His embrace making me feel like the only girl in the world and the only one for him...
But then the other comes back. And I'm left alone walking to my car as they drive off together. He gets frustrated with me because he doesn't understand how he hurts me. He has taken advantage of me for far too long but I'm addicted to the way he treats me when he wants me.
I know I don't deserve this. I know I deserve a "perfect love", one that I cannot describe as egregious. But for now, this is what I want. And I will continuously fight for the drug that keeps blackening my heart a little more each day.
