"im so sorry." tadashi blurts out and runs the opposite direction, his hair whipping the sides of his head. the ridicules and teases are getting to his ears. he pushes past the doors and collapses next to a fence. the bell rings, the constant ringing sound hurting his ears. he drops his books on the bristly summer grass, the thunk sound somewhat soothing to tadashi's wearied body.
that boy— no, he was much more older than tadashi's seventeen years. that man, was different. very different.
not that he looked much different than all the other varsity jocks that every girl had their thirsty eyes on. maybe it was the eyes—green, the green that olives carry. warm green that reminded tadashi of spring grass. tadashi couldn't glance at his face for that long, as he was mostly stuck on the other's shirt.
or maybe it was something that tadashi felt. the steady heartbeat thumped through the varsity sweater that tadashi's face had kissed. it was rhythmic. like the bass in an orchestra. the ones that you could rely on.
maybe.
he's aware that that man smelt like cocoa butter. just like father.
tadashi. stop acting stupid. you literally crashed into his chest.
tadashi frowns as his inner seems content with bashing himself constantly. punches come his way and sadly, tadashi can't do anything about it.
he breathes in a few times, harshly. mantras are uttered through anxious lips as he picks up his books and shakily walks past the crimson doors. he shivers as crimson reminds him of blood. he can smell the iron scent lingering in his nose.
he shakes his head slightly. remorse. he doesn't feel so good. but really, who cares. his inner self doesn't seem to care. his mom had taught him what to do when he becomes like this.
you breathe. in and out. feel your spirit teether between breathed and unbreathed. feel your chest rise. the strain in the lungs as it gathers for air like a farmer gathers his berries. for more balance and stability, put your hands on your knees. have something to keep you grounded. a foundation.
he's anxious.
"you doing ok?"
he glances up from his fetal position. a hands is outstretched. decorated with veins and a singular tattoo on the thumb. maybe its the wind, but he can sense the kindness radiating out of him. anxious? not as much.
"u-uh i'm fine." he doesn't want to look up.
"ok but are you sure? you don't seem fine."
tadashi looks up. its the varsity guy. but this time he can see his face,
and god is he attractive.
