burn || bws

chapter thirteen || "cereal"

I wasn't avoiding Bradley after the kiss, after him seeing me like that. I wasn't avoiding him, I was avoiding the feelings, avoiding the talk I know he so desperately wants to have. However, if I just act like nothing happened between us, like he didn't just magically make me better maybe I can avoid all of those things, it would make it easier for the both of us.

The thing that makes it harder though was that he stayed over night, he stayed with me at Kevin and Linda's house and he made sure I was okay, he didn't sleep at all because he was watching me. I only knew this because I was watching him too. Even with my eyes closed I could feel his gaze, I could feel his fingers tracing every single part of my body. I felt him kiss me when he thought I was asleep.

I couldn't tell myself that I didn't feel anything towards Bradley because I felt everything. I could deny it to him though, it's all about whether he believes me and when it came to feelings I was a shit liar.

He had walked me home, persuading me to let him stay when I tried to push him out the door.  I could tell what was on his mind, it was obvious by the way he was acting around me and all I could do was ignore it, act oblivious.

I needed to talk to Tristan, I always talked to him and although he took the piss out of me he gave good advice.

"Pretty girl, we need to talk." Bradley says, coming towards me.

"You're right." I sigh. "I knew this day would come but I guess it came quicker than I expected."

"It was inevitable we would have to talk about u-"

"Do you pour the milk before the cereal or the cereal before the milk?" I interrupt.

"What? No, Ad-"

"That's what keeps me up at night. I always thought you poured the cereal first, so you could see how much milk you needed but it makes the cereal soggy. You know what else? You should put ice in your cereal, it keeps the milk cold." I ramble, dodging his stare as I rush around the house tidying it.

Who was I kidding? I never tidy my apartment. I finally turn around to look at him, he was trying to stop himself from laughing, biting the inside of his cheeks as he stares at me, trying to maintain serious. As soon as I smiled at him, biting my lip a small laugh left his lips and he covered his mouth with his hands.

"Adore this is serious." He states, his voice muffled by his hands.

I sigh, throwing myself onto the couch dramatically and putting a pillow over my face. I don't know why I did this but it felt necessary.  I feel Bradley lift my feet up and sit underneath them, placing them onto his lap and rubbing up and down my leg causing me to lift the pillow up and look at him.

"What was that yesterday?" He softly asks, probably to avoid upsetting me but it doesn't upset me, it doesn't even bother me in the slightest.

I simply shrug at him, biting my lip as I looked up at him with big eyes, trying to look as innocent as I possibly could.

"Has that happened before?" I nod.

"Why else do you think I was locked in a room with nothing in? When I'm like that it's like I'm a vampire trying to get blood, I hurt people when I'm like that Bradley. Why did you come in? I could have hurt you."

"I heard you screaming. You weren't here and the door was open so I looked around for a clue to where you would be then I found this address so I went. I heard you screaming from outside, Adore, I couldn't just leave. Your mum was crying, your dad was hating himself and he let me up after warning me that I might get hurt."

"They're not my parents, my parents died, they adopted me." I correct him and he mumbles a quick apology, probably surprised that I had even said that like it was the simplest thing in the world but it was. "I'm not a normal girl, I'm dangerous and the sooner you realise that the better."

I was refusing to look at him, playing with my fingers and I could feel his eyes burning into me. I don't like people seeing me like that, I hate it. They can never look at me the same again, they get scared of me and I don't want Bradley to be scared of me. I'll hurt him and I would never be able to forgive myself for that.

He stands up from his previous position, crouching down beside me so he was close to me, so close I could feel his breath on my face but I was still refusing to look at him. If I look at him I'll do something I will regret.

"We can't be together, Bradley. If that's what you wanted to talk about." I whisper, biting the insides of my cheeks to stop me from crying.

Don't cry, Addy, you're doing the right thing.

"I know you feel something towards me, that kiss showed me."

"That kiss meant nothing, Bradley. I told you I didn't feel anything and all I see you as is a friend." I stare dead into his eyes and the words were a struggle to get out.

"Lying is a sin."

"I'll see you in hell then."

He knew I was lying, I knew I was lying, the neighbours cat probably knew I was lying. I knew all we could ever be was just friends, that we would never kiss again and we would go back to how we were acting before. I hated myself at this point, this may be the biggest lie I have ever told.

"Don't shut me out, Adore." He pleads.

"You were never in, pretty boy."

This point he has given up, leaving a simple kiss to my forehead as he stood up and walked away from me and I followed, holding the door open for him.

"Friends?" I ask, staring hopefully into his eyes.

"I can't be friends with you, I can never just be friends with you." He tells me, his eyes were glazed over like glass and my heart felt like it was breaking.

"I don't want to lose you."

"You never will, pretty girl." He sighs, tucking my hair behind my ear before walking out the door and I shut it behind him.

I lean against it and when I hear a fist connect with the wall beside it, I don't jump but tears begin to fall. I hear a final curse word before he leaves the building and I slide down the door, holding my knees to my chest.

I don't know why this has affected me so much, why a single boy has made me feel all these emotions within just a short amount of time but I'm not complaining. He makes me feel human again, he makes me feel normal in the most extraordinary ways.