burn || bws

chapter eighteen || "okay, edge lord"

My shoes tapped on the concrete floor as I walked on the path running throughout the forest. I had a cigarette placed in between my index and middle finger, taking occasional drags. I was going to my usual chill out place.

When I was in school I would always come here, to get away from society or to just get away from myself. I was bullied in school, because of my bipolar and sexuality which is complete bullshit. Don't use me as a fucking punching bag with your words to make yourself feel better about yourself. I always looked for people's approval in school, having hidden my sexuality from them and denying it myself, while still going round and kissing girls.

I was an outcast, sitting alone in the cafeteria and sitting on the benches having a sly fag during the breaks. I was an early smoker, looking to the nicotine for comfort. Cigarettes were then swapped with joints which were then replaced by thin white lines and pills. I was always in school with a massive headache and bags under my eyes that really brought out the red in them.

Kevin and Linda were there through everything with me and never judged me, of course they didn't approve of my life choices but they understood that it was my life and I was choosing it myself as I had no friends other that Lexi to pressure me. Alexia wasn't even in school with me, if she was I would have at least of had one friend; but no doubt the friendship wouldn't last as she would become one of the popular ones and totally slink me.

Tristan had tried calling me but I already knew that he was going to shout at me, blaming all of this on me using the sentence he uses to back Bradley up "He's had a hard life, Addy." So have I dickwad.

I wasn't watching where I was going, my thoughts my only focus and the familiarity guiding me to my destination, causing me to bump into someone's shoulder.

"Watch where you're going, slut." Wow.

"Okay, edge lord." I roll my eyes, beginning to walk away until a hand grabbed my arm and pulled me back and I was faced with my worst nightmares.

My breathing increased and I felt like I was going to throw up all my vital organs. My skin was crawling from his touch and all the flashbacks came back to me from that night.

"Let go of me." I meekly ordered, all my strength suddenly leaving my body and running far away from him.

I could feel his hands all over me, I could feel him pulling down my jeans and I could feel him forcing himself inside me with a simple hand on the arm.

Every single fibre of me was terrified of this person and I couldn't imagine the things he was going to do to me.

"I really don't appreciate what your little boyfriend did to me."

The mention of Bradley, the amount of hatred he had in his voice towards him set me off. I was fuming; no one would speak about him like he was nothing to them. He was everything and so much better than everyone else in this world.

I pressed my cigarette against his skin and brought my knee up to his area, making sure to be as hard as I could leaving him doubled over; clutching his arm and his dick.

"Go fuck yourself you worthless piece of shit and go get a life." I seethed, running away from him making sure that he wouldn't follow me.

The thought of someone bad mouthing Bradley, thinking of him so lowly gave me all the energy and courage to stand up for myself; to fight against my nightmare and show him I wasn't scared, even though that was exactly what I was.

I continued running, not wanting to be anywhere near the waste of oxygen. He didn't deserve to be named, he shouldn't get the satisfaction of his name in my head or coming out of my mouth; it'll make me want to wash myself with bleach anyways.

I reach my spot, climbing in between the two trees and into the small space where there is no greenery, just a small lawn chair and multiple cigarette and joint stumps littering the ground.

It was peaceful here, only the sound of leaves blowing in the wind, wildlife and my rapid breathes. All I could see around me was green, this place being the reason why it took the spot as my favourite colour.

Green reminded me of this place and this place reminded me of solitude and beauty. This was my favourite place and I could sit here for hours with just refreshments, things to smoke and my thoughts; sometimes things to swallow too. I had never brought anyone here, this was my place and I didn't want anyone corrupting the aura here and how I think of it.

Suddenly, my phones ringtone begins blaring and I fumble to retrieve it from my pocket and swipe right to answer it. It was an unknown number so I was ready to hang up.

"Hello?" I answer, my finger hovered the red button.

"Addy? It's Connor." Didn't I have his number?

"Connor, if you're about to lecture me about Bradley just know you can't say any-"

"He's in hospital, he overdosed." He interrupts me and my heart falls from my chest. "He's been mumbling some shit about you and asking for you."

This was all my fucking fault. If I hadn't have taken him to that place he would have been fine, he wouldn't have had the taste of his worst habit and have the cravings for it. If I wasn't in his life he wouldn't be like this, but I can't seem to stay away from him.

I don't want to stay away from him, I need him and he needs me.

"I'll be right there."